#there are SO MANY THING to think about meanwhile

[wtfaniii]

Can you pleaseeee do a Namgyu x reader story where he’s your mean ex boyfriend that secretly still wants you 🙏

Of course! That man has something and you know it girl

From love to hate

Nam-Gyu (player 124) x reader // you

Fem reader!

Summary: You were so miserable that out of 456 people in this game you met again with the man who made your love life miserable a year ago.

Warning: Some emotional abuse, unstable relationship on both sides.

Note: I understand you girl, that boy has something that makes him attractive, I hope this is to your liking and meets your expectations!

The second game was over, the girl just wanted to calm her nerves sitting silently on her bed but she was startled a little when Thanos appeared next to one leap.

—Get lost —she said, rolling her eyes and continuing to play with his fingers.

—How pretty —he said sarcastically.

—You were nicer before —Gyu said, coming to her left side.

She sighed and got out of bed ready to move out of there, she wanted to have zero contact with him after having found in bed with her best friend.

—Fuck you

—¿You kiss with that vocabulary? —Nam-gyu hurried to stop her from escaping and stood in front of her.

—¡Move! ¡I don't want anything to do with you!

Yes, the guy was an idiot, he acted like an idiot throughout their entire relationship and he would always be an idiot.

She thought could tolerate him, she loved him enough to do it but there was a limit she wasn't going to cross, infidelity was something she was never going to get over.

Nam-gyu wasn't going to give up now that he had her so close, she was the only one who loved him just the way he was and even though he had made a mistake by getting between the legs of her slut friend he still couldn't stop thinking about her.

He took her arm with a little more force than he should have, it was inevitable, he wanted to tell her to please stay but instead he said something more hurtful.

—Stop being such a bitch and listen to me.

In his mind he wanted to regret it but the laughter deep inside Thanos made his ego as a man grow.

That was one of his many problems, the influence that third parties managed to have on him.

However, he couldn't think of anything else when he felt the girl's hand crash into his cheek, both becoming the center of attention of the other players.

—If you call me a bitch again, I'll kick you where it hurts the most —she warned him, pointing a finger at him in a threatening manner, to which Nam-gyu raised his hands in a sign of peace while backing away.

—She's a real sweetheart —Thanos said for the second time, amused and sarcastic.

—You have no idea....

[...]

It was time for the third game, the girl managed to overcome each and every one until it was time to pair up and take a cubicle before the rest.

She was alone, she thought that this time it would be the end for her.

Meanwhile Nam-gyu and Thanos had already managed to get an empty cubicle but just before closing the door 124 stopped at the entrance and looked in all directions.

—¡¿What the hell are you doing?! ¡Come in already!

But he ignored it completely, the drug in his system raised his adrenaline and clouded his judgment but the only thing he was quite clear about was that he had to make sure his damn ex-girlfriend was still alive after this.

Seeing her disoriented in the crowd, he didn't think twice and ran towards her, hearing Thanos shouting at him but he kept his eyes on the girl.

As soon as he got close to her, he took her by the shoulders and led her to a cubicle where, after having beaten the players out, he managed to close the door with her.

She was just about to thank him when Nam-gyu waved his hand at her to shut up.

—Not a word —he said, taking deep breaths.

—I was going to tell you that you are an idiot.

He gave her an annoyed look, but she was actually grateful even though she wasn't going to say it out loud.

Despite hearing the screams and gunshots through the door, the tension between them was also palpable.

They had so many things to say to each other but it was neither the time nor the place, Nam-gyu only needed to be so close to death to know that among so much shit in his life she was the only one he needed.

Their relationship had been so close and strong that all it took to end it was a one-night stand with another woman, and now he regretted it.

—I was drugged when I slept with her —he said without turning to look at her and watching through the small crack in the door as the pink soldiers collected the corpses of the eliminated players.

—That doesn't make it better —she replied without much enthusiasm.

Just by hearing her voice he knew that she had not let go of the past either, he knew her well enough to realize that the feeling of wanting to return was mutual.

But neither of them took the step that was required.

Once the doors opened, they both silently left there, Nam-gyu was the first to go towards Thanos who looked at him with his eyes half closed.

[...]

During the voting, the players looked at each other with hatred and other mixed emotions, Nam-gyu's gaze remained on the girl who was on the side of those who had chosen the tag, it was curious how now he too was questioning whether he should choose the circle again or this time make the decision to end the games.

—¡Press the circle! —Thanos shouted euphorically, bringing him out of his thoughts.

Min-su was slightly startled by the sudden shout, "Pathetic" Nam-gyu thought but he also felt somewhat pressured to make a decision.

After Thanos went to vote, he approached the poor trembling boy and spoke into his ear.

—If you don't press the circle you will be left alone without anyone to defend you.

It seems that this was enough to keep the 125 votes in his favor, with that they would win and continue participating, but when it was his turn his hand deviated towards the huge check mark.

He clearly heard Thanos' frustrated groan.

He took the red badge that the guard gave him and stood next to those his companion so hated.

—I honestly thought you would vote to keep playing —the girl murmured, standing next to him —¿What made you change your mind?

—Shut the fuck up —he mumbled angrily.

She still smiled softly at him and took his hand, a simple but meaningful sign that she was still by him side. Just as she had promised him since they met

The votes ended in a tie and now Nam-gyu had to continue playing and tolerating the irritable Thanos, he did not consider him his friend but his partner, he only hoped that this decision making would not influence their bond of trust too much.

Unfortunately, that was not the case and the tension between both sides of players increased with every second in the men's room.

—I'm not mad at you —230 said, approaching him while splashing some cold water on his face —I would also bend over backwards for a hottie like her.

He wanted to avoid fights but 333 butted into his conversation.

—Stop bothering others, you must understand that not all of us want to die in here.

Thanos laughed amused. —Oh look! The two lovebirds want to get out of here just because their girlfriends asked them to!

—I think we've collected enough money —Nam-gyu interrupted with a stern expression and a defensive posture. —Friend, we can still get out of here.

Maybe if 230 hadn't been under the influence of drugs he would have listened to him and they would have had a formal conversation where everyone would have come out a winner.

But that wasn't the case, instead he blurted out the following words.

—¿Why don't I just let you two die in the next game? You two can relax, I'll take care of your girlfriends so they won't be alone, if you know what i mean...

He barely finished the sentence with an arrogant smile when 333 threw a punch that Thanos managed to dodge.

He was going to make fun of it if it hadn't been for Nam-gyu punching him in the face, leaving him stunned and unleashing a fight between the Circle team and the X team.

Nam-gyu may have been a jerk to her, but she was still his girl and even if he had to kill other contestants, he would make sure they both came out alive and with a good amount of money.

Yeah... he did love her.

[bam-stroker]

Once again, I am plagued by combiner thoughts. And I know I'm going to get to it in that one fic, but I just want to ramble about Texaid for a minute and why it compels me

I just think there's something so interesting going on with the parallels between G1 Vortex and First Aid. They're both combiners. They're both the left hand in their combiner form. The mirror is there folks.

But Vortex is solidly connected to his gestalt. The Combaticons are always together. They're not having some other rando come in. They know exactly who they need to be in that unit. Even though they don't understand the world around them, they know who they are to each other.

Meanwhile, the Protectobots are scramble city style. Like, their configuration will change randomly (G1 Transformers, my beloved chaos continuity destroyer) and in later versions they'll even get random mechs joining and cycling through. The gestalt feels like coworkers at a job???

I just think it's so interesting, that the Combaticons have 1 thing that they are solid on and that is their reliance on each other. They get thrown through the ringer in many continuities (remember that time... megatron put a bomb in Swindle's HEAD in the G1 cartoons?? yeah??? no??? just me???). And I think that is such a HUGE draw to why folks love them as a combiner gestalt, while not many people are talking about the Protectobots.

But how juicy is it - that the autobot is the one who is left out on his own, just a cog to be placed in a situational weapon. While the Combaticons fight for revenge so OFTEN because they're looking out for the mechs that matter so much to them. And that's the real heart of Bruticus.

ANYWAY!

[fullscoreshenanigans]

#Emma is genuinely terrifying #Shirai said that it would be dangerous for someone like her to exist in the real world #he’s right ya know #like looking at that manga panel makes me shiver #there are so many moments like that throughout #I mean #Ray was scary for literally five seconds and then suddenly everyone’s safer when he’s around #Norman is waaaaay scarier than Ray but not in a way that gives you chills? #like he scares my brain but not my nerves #Emma triggers my fight or flight instinct (via @esthelle-wanders)

Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me that’s a face of someone who’s ok

[ghost-bxrd]

Hi that ground hog day Jason prompt has me in a head lock. The absolute angst and trauma the batfam will experience. Especially the first time before the loop resets with Dick, Bruce and Alfred who have already lived through Jason's first death. The bad memories this will stir up. You could go for extra angst, since Jason's death into he first loop probably wasn't intentional and go with the classic bomb in in warehouse for an extra guy punch. Just really drive all the bats to the brink of their remaining sanity.

Then you look at the fun Jason gets to have, with all the different ways he can kill the joker. Like, you could have some really jaring and comedic tone switches with the pov switches.

Just, I am so looking forward to anything you bless us with from this idea.

The first thing I just thought of was the song Headlock by Imogen Heap and I think it’s funny cuz it sorta fits the differing POV of this particular groundhog AU pretty well hehe

Alrighty! So, I most likely won’t be writing a fic for this, but I do have some plot points written down as some food for thought/inspiration ✨

!!! Considering the mechanics of this particular prompt please mind that these include mentions of suicide !!!

A stranger cryptically tells Jason they’re gonna do him a favor and create a time loop for him ((this could happen in some random supermarket while he’s getting spaghetti. So… the usual Gotham weirdness. Nothing to be concerned about quite yet))

Going with the first death being accidental and happening at a warehouse, we could add to it by having it be a malfunction of Jason’s helmet. Like the detonators being triggered by a stray kick or bullet ((or batarang))

For Jason it’s an instant reset of the day. The Batfam have to experience an hour post Jay’s death before everything starts anew.

Bruce usually spends that hour cradling Jason’s body the way he did after Ethiopia

The first time the day resets the Batfam just think they had a spectacularly bad dream and keep everything to themselves. Jason spends all of ten minutes in a daze, and then he starts making a list of all the things he wants to do to Joker

Jason tends to opt for quick ways to kill himself at the end of each day. Usually as soon as Joker is dead, because that’s when he loses interest. And because he doesn’t want to deal with the fallout. Unfortunately the Batfam assume that all they need to do to end the loops is to keep Jason away from Joker and any explosives.

The batfam start reading into every interaction they have/had with Jason and become increasingly frantic trying to convince Jason that life is great and worth living. Jason is confused. And annoyed. Mostly because it’s becoming increasingly difficult to steal away from them.

By the time the loop finally ends for good, Joker has resolved to stay tf away from any and all Robins forever. He’ll go work at friggin seven-eleven and become an upstanding citizen as long as the Red Hood just STAYS AWAY from him. He regrets many of his life decisions.

Bruce has a full blown meltdown when he realizes that Jason is actively killing himself. Dick isn’t far behind.

Alfred tries to end the loop by sedating Jason, but the loop resets anyway

The batfam are feverishly looking for the catalyst that keeps driving Jason over the edge. Meanwhile Jason is having the time of his life and healing some of his trauma.

The longer the loop continues the more Jason takes notice of how frequently the batfam tell him they love him, and his focus starts shifting from Joker to spending time with them. Telling them things he never would if he didn’t think they’d forget it anyway.

Heartfelt talks and, eventually, teary begging from a batfam member for Jason to please not die again because they can’t take any more. And Jason’s horrified realization of what he accidentally put the batfam through.

[hellishjoel]

boy next door

711 words / pairing: frankie morales x f!reader

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word: spring cleaning

warnings/information: fluff!! literal fluff!!

a/n: sorry (not really) that I keep choosing Frankie as my inspiration for many of these prompts, he is just so lover boy!! my banners are by @saradika-graphics. shoutout to @berryispunk and @lady-bess for putting this together on @fanfictionoverload!

Francisco Morales has always been the boy next door. From grade school to high school, your lives ran parallel. You shared the same school bus stop and the same backyard fence. 

It all began when he saw you cruising the cul-de-sac on your Razor scooter, his shy smile lingering until you rode up and asked if he wanted a turn. That was the moment your friendship truly began—joined at the hip from that day forward.

High school changed things. Francisco turned into Frankie, and Frankie got… hot. All sharp features and soft brown eyes with floppy curls often nestled under a hat. Meanwhile, you were navigating the awkwardness of acne and insecurities, and your circles didn’t quite overlap the way they used to. 

Life pulled you in different directions—you went to university, and Frankie enlisted. You assumed he’d forgotten about you, imagining him making new friends, finding someone special, and leaving your shared past behind.

Then, last Christmas Eve, Frankie appeared at your parents' doorstep, clutching a tin of cookies his mom had baked. The surprise visit turned into hours of catching up over hot cocoa and nostalgia. 

That night rekindled something neither of you had realized you missed. A year later, he wasn’t just the boy next door anymore—he was your sweet, goofy boyfriend, and today, he was helping you tackle early spring cleaning at your parents' house before they moved to Florida. 

“Florida must have subliminal radio waves for retirees.” He grunts as he yanks down the rickety wooden ladder to the attic, shifting around boxes until his eyes land on one with Barbie stickers and childish scribbles with a marker. “What do we have here?” he teases, descending the ladder with the box cradled against his chest.

Your heart sank. “Frankie, no,” you warn, lunging forward to grab it.

“I spy some diaries!” Frankie beams, heat rushing to all parts of your body in panic.

“Please don’t read those. I’m begging you.” 

Frankie holds up the thickest one, a compound notebook with a black and white cover that has your name and the year scrawled over it in a gel pink pen. 

Frankie scoffs playfully, eyeing you over curiously. “What’s the worst it could say? Did you confess to a crime in here? With a pink glittery pen?”

“Frankie, please,” you groan, face buried in your hands.

Those pages hold so many memories from high school. You remembered bits and pieces of what could be inside, but you knew at least a few pages described your torrid girlish crush on Francisco. Your boy next door. 

His playful grin softened as he studied your expression. He placed the notebook back in the box and set it on the floor. “Okay, baby. I won’t look. I was just messing around.” He crossed the room, wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing a kiss to your temple. “I’m sorry.”

The relief you feel gives you the courage to flip through the journal, finding one page in particular. “One page. And one page only. Okay?”

Frankie’s eyes lit up as he slid behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder. Together, you found the page—his name, scrawled in a big heart pierced with an arrow.

He tightened his hold, and you felt the warmth of his blush against your cheek. “You had a crush on me?” he murmurs, his voice low and awed. “I used to have a crush on you. You were so cool, and I never told you how I felt. You always just seemed so much smarter than me, and you didn’t care what anyone thought. No way in hell did I think you’d be into me.”

You turn in his arms, both of you smiling like teenagers again.

He shakes his head and pulls you in for a deep kiss, his rough hands melting at the hold he has on your jaw, taking in the love notes scattered throughout your journal. “I could have had you all this time.” 

You shake your head and squeeze his hands assuredly. “Our timing is just right.” The attic, the journals, and the past faded away. In this moment, it was just the two of you—and the love that had finally found its time.

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[lyricwritesprose]

Me versus a fanfic idea, trying to cohere

Having been watching some of "My Adventures With Superman" lately, and I have become kind of obsessed with a crack idea that came to me last night at fuck o'clock in the morning, that being: what if (in the MAWS continuity or any one in which the Kents are both alive) Jonathan and Martha got roped into briefly housing or fostering a teen after Clark was out on his own?

I mean. Like. Imagine you're this kid. You are staying with the most tragically uncool individuals on this planet, but they're honestly nice, they aren't bothered by all the stuff that got you labeled A Troubled Youth or the gender stuff you may have going on or any of that, they just seem fundamentally Able To Roll With It, and, okay, this is going to be fine. It's temporary anyway. Just keep out of trouble.

And they have an adult son who comes around sometimes? He's kind of nice too. Maybe twenty-one, twenty-two, he's built like a moose and you'd think he'd be imposing but he's kind of shy and awkward and somehow just fundamentally Not Like the people who beat you up before, so you're pretty chill with him. He knows all the good places on the farm to sit and think, or sit and draw. One time when he comes around he shows you the creek and you learn all about the frogs and the crawdads and the snakes. Tells you about the corn snake he rescued once. Stuff like that.

Only some things really don't add up.

Like, there's never a car in the driveway when he shows up. And it's not on weekends or anything like that, it's weird times.

And there's a note on the fridge that says, "If you drink all the milk please replace it THIS MEANS YOU," and before long you figure out it's gotta be meant for him, because he will take a gallon and finish it a glass at a time and who can even do that without throwing up? Wasn't there some kind of ghastly TikTok challenge about that?

And when you joked to his Dad and Mom that he seems to have a real superpower for figuring out whether there is going to be pie, you got such weird, almost nervous looks that you quickly dropped the subject.

And one time you swear he appeared out of absolutely nowhere to walk you back to the house because Mr. Peterson's bull broke the fence and is wandering this way. (He was the first one to realize this. How did he realize this? He's sort of guiltily evasive on the subject.)

And he reassures you one time that you don't actually need to fear the Kansas Mothman because he accidentally started that legend. How? He really doesn't want to talk about it.

What with one thing and another, you start wondering…

Maybe he's a ghost.

Maybe something awful happened and he can't move on. You don't want to suspect the Kents, they are honestly pretty top-notch for parental types (especially after some of the ones you've known) but other people in the town? You know personally how ghastly a small town can be to That Weird Kid. Maybe something really bad happened.

(Maybe it could happen to you too.)

So you've got to figure out what's going on so you can get justice for your friend. You start to investigate. Smallville does have rather more than its fair share of Weird Shit—like possibly a lot more—but you're not really getting anywhere. And it occurs to you that you don't really have the wherewithal to go and try to find—well, let's not put too fine a point on it, to find an unmarked grave—that could be anywhere.

Meanwhile the world has at this point in time started to see some Seriously Weird Shit, although at this point it's largely In Other Places because that's where everything in the world happens, there is absolutely Nothing Significant In Kansas and probably never will be, but it gives you an idea. Slightly insane and scary idea, but you've hit so many dead ends that it might be worth it.

You're going to try to contact Superman and see if he can use his rumored X-ray vision to figure out what happened to Clark.

…

Just to be clear, I have no idea what the ultimate punchline is for this piece of ridiculous meandering is, and it's the sort of thing that does require a pretty good punchline. So I don't know if it's ever actually going to get written. On the other hand, it is one of my favorite dishes, which is Canon Characters Helping Queer Kid, with a heavy helping of Following Logic-like Structures To Wrong Conclusions sauce.

So I thought I might post the idea, because I have this lovely optimistic belief that sometimes, I am in fact extremely funny, and tumblr is a place that often eggs me on.

[bb-dot-move-daisies]

MORE. MORE.

1. who fell first/who fell harder?

oh shit...i think they both were on the same page the whole time, except they have severely different ways of expressing it. but i wanna say...kylie, then kylie again.

(2/3/4 absolutely no idea what these are.)

5. (two QUEEN song titles, huh?) who killer queen, who good old fashioned loverboy? kylie for both.

6. go to pet names for each other?

daisy sticks to the classics like "honey", "dear", "sugar" — meanwhile kylie genuinely uses pet names to remember people, so she gets a little more creative. i think the main ones kylie has for daisy are "smokeshow", and "spacegirl"

7. what are their star signs? i have to google this.

kylie was born on the 29th of February, daisy was born on December 31st. pisces and capricorn. (and wikihow says they're compatible; awesome.)

8. (paraphrasing) where in the los gibitties are they?

daisy is a cis lesbian gray ace attorney; kylie's a genderfluid transfemme, who uses she/they with the occasional "masc associated" words (like "handsome", "dad/daddy", etc), and identifies herself as a "lesbian with a biiiiiig asterisks"

9. soulmates by chance. pure chance.

10. skip.

11. (paraphrasing) who's more random in public, and who says "unfortunately thats the love of my life" i have no idea, honestly. i feel like daisy, when drunk and happy can be quite expressive and loud, and kylie would just...fall in love all over again.

12. three songs that remind me of:

Daisy:

- first love/late spring

- washing machine heart

- my love all mine

(it's all mitski 😭😭😭😭💥🚛🕊️)

(i think, subconsciously, daisy's design is heavily based on the kind of women mitski writes about. and whenever i write daisy talking, i tend to go the kind of weird figurative language route that mitski tends to go for in her music...so i think thats why.)

Kylie:

- mr. blue sky - electric light orchestra

- the blonde - tv girl

- and this ones just a straight up Movie, but, pretty woman starring julia roberts and richard gere.

13. who's "tell me im pretty" and who's "ur annoying" (so many of these questions are in that "who tops" type format, but ill answer anyway. cuz its fun.)

daisy never asks kylie to tell her she's pretty, but kylie can feel when she needs it, so she says it. and daisy expresses her love for kylie in protective, but — at times — overly rude quips, because deep down, she can't stand the idea of HER woman in danger.

(also Kylie's a subby top.)

14. love languagesss!!! my favourite trademarked set of behaviours!!!

gifts, and service from kylie. service, and words for daisy.

15. yknow despite the fact that one of my girls is an astronaut i have no idea what "sun moon star eclipse" is. skip.

16. non sexual acts of intimacy.

- kylie cooking the foods daisy likes and remembering how she likes them.

- in bed, whispering about their days, and all the hours spent without each other at work

- daisy showering while kylie shits.

17. i...cant imagine either of them in a physical fight,...theyre both athletic to some degree, i just cant imagine them having the desire to fight for themselves.... Maybe Daisy? daisy has more bloodlust. but fuck i dont know. she could never beat kylie in a fight. right? even if kylie doesn't fight back, she's canonically bigger and heavier...daisy could throw a million punches while kylie does nothing and it would be a fair match.

18. three other ships from other things that remind me of daisy and kylie:

- fucking Arin and Suzy from game grumps.

19. who likes dogs who likes cats? kylie loves dogs. daisy hates animals. she'll take a Cool Fish™ , maybe, but could never take care of it

20. favorite thing about each other?

daisy likes that kylie doesn't need to be babied. that—on the contrary, kylie takes care of, and pampers daisy (as she deserves). kylie can be kinda shallow at times, but she's good with her hands, and quick on her feet. — that's what daisy likes about kylie. she can rely on her.

kylie likes...everything about daisy. to kylie, daisy is the kind of girl they wanna write home about. yknow? she likes that daisy's smart—she's a reader, she fills the gaps in conversation where kylie just prefers to listen. she's a good cuddle. she has pretty hair. she looks sexy in everything. she makes a lot of money. she's awesome to cook for. she's a competent mother. her family adooores her. (and this one's selfish) but daisy can be a bit of an insomniac, so she's still quite Active late at night; which works for kylie (nightshifter), cus now she has someone to come home to.

21. do they ever match??? in clothing? no, bc there's a severe gap in the way that they dress and shop. however i can see daisy wearing kylies t-shirts and boxers around the house...and i can see kylie wearing daisy's stuff for more Fashionable events

22. their own little ways of saying i love you:

- daisy protects kylie. but would risk crossing her own comfort zones for kylie. and when kylie's in bed, she falls asleep a little easier, because kylie protects her too.

- kylie pets daisy hair, and kisses every inch of her body. kylie waits to see daisy, almost every time. she's at her beck and call.

23. daisy wouldn't marry herself, and neither would kylie. they both kinda hate themselves a lot.

24. coffee or tea? coffee for both

25. one to five tropes they could embody in an au:

- highschool au (the real alteration being that the girls arent four years apart)

i think the reason for this is because the way i write kylie is heavily based on the way i write GRENDAN in my dr*wtectives highschool fics (fun fact) (censoring so they don't FIND ME.)

kylie is a gifted kid with severe imposter's syndrome, meanwhile daisy is an overachiever with no friends.

that's always a fun dynamic for me.

- princess x peasant is another good one for these two...

i think daisy would make an amazing politician,

princesses are just... politicians with a facecard. but i also believe that kylie's girldick is strong enough to tear the military down

🌙 * ―　silly little unique trivia about your otp．❫

who fell first, and who fell harder?

their hypothetical godly parents (or a deity they could embody in a mythological setting).

soldiers, poets, or kings?

the olive theory according to them (and their palate).

who's the ‘good old-fashioned lover boy’, and who's the ‘killer-queen’?

go-to pet names they have for each other, if any.

what are their star signs? (i know nothing about astrology, but it's funky so out with it!)

their sexual orientations and/or gender identities.

soulmates by fate/chance or by choice?

their hypothetical hogwarts houses, either traditionally speaking, so to say, or following the sortinghatchats method. (alternatively, if you'd rather: their alignment by dnd standards).

who's more likely to do stupid, impulsive, or random stuff, and who's there being like, ‘regrettably, that's the love of my life’?

one to three songs that remind you of them.

who's the “tell me i'm pretty” one, and who's the “you're pretty fucking annoying is what you are” in the relationship?

their love languages.

sun, moon, stars, earth, or eclipse?

three to five non-sexual acts of intimacy.

who's the “i could beat the shit out of you” one, and who's the “i know” one?

one to three other ships from other pieces of media that may remind you of them.

who's the dog person, and who's the cat person? (other pets or animals may also apply.)

their absolute favourite thing about each other in the whole wide world.

do they ever match in any way?

their own little way (or ways) to say ‘i love you’.

who's the “i wouldn't marry myself either” one, and who's the “i would marry you with parer rings” one? (alternatively: i'd marry you with paper rings vs. i'm rich. i'll get you a diamond)?

coffee or tea?

one to five tropes they embody or could pull off in an AU.

[shinobi-illuminator]

Oh Sky... You lady of mystery.

I had heard the rumors she was from Zuan, but the kicker is she has a last name like most Piltovens do. Plus she acts similar to how young Caitlyn did. My fiance pointed out she could have half and half. So this spawned a headcanon of mine.

Mother, Anita Young was an enforcer of Piltover. Papa was Samuel one of the factory craftsman. Despite the contested climate of the twin cities, somehow the two saved each other and fell in love. But Anita's parents were appalled when they found out their daughter was pregnant. Anita was tempted to drop everything to be with Samuel, but then the factory he was working at had a meltdown and he died from exposure to the Gray.

Anita was then given an ultimatum by her family. Get rid of this half blood bastard child, or be disowned. Anita was young and had no one else if she left... and with a baby on the way she just couldn't. Reluctantly she placed her daughter Sky in the Piltoven orphanage. Secretly leaving her with the last name young to prove she belonged in Piltover. A part of her hoped someone would give her the family she couldn't give... Another hoped one day she could meet again. She wasn't allowed to see her and threw herself into her work.

Meanwhile Sky lived at the orphanage not knowing who her parents were. All the staff told her was her Zaunite father was dead and her mother didn't want to see her. For most of her life thinking she wasn't good enough for anyone. Not as a daughter, not as a future wife.... no one. Her "family" became the numerous orphan children who'd come and go. Some days they'd sneak out and go swim in the Zaunite watering holes, since no one would rat them out there. That was where she met a young Viktor playing with his toy boat. Both were too shy to even introduce themselves, but already Sky was interested. She loved making things. Gadgets, baked goods, flowers. It spoke to her. After no one had adopted her she was aged out of the system and sent out on her own. She took up odd jobs and saved enough to addend the Piltover Academy. She didn't have a roommate to fill the two bedroom flat she had, but figured one would come along. That was when she bumped into Viktor again. Before she could speak, Viktor hushed her and dragged her to a corner. He couldn't afford to have anyone blow his cover. He wasn't actually registered and was pretending to be a student for a year. Turned out he'd sleep under the Library tables as a makeshift dorm and hope none of the night staff would report him. Sky knew that wouldn't do and got him the empty dorm in her lot. Classes became a priority, but Sky could tell Viktor was brilliant at his craft. He was out testing everyone. Seeing that made her want to try harder too. They became friends, though Sky longed for them to be more after they graduated. But her fear of being not good enough for someone as brilliant like him kept her from speaking up.

Then tragedy struck on the bridge. Vander and Silco lead their revolt. Many were killed on both sides. Viktor dropped his facade and raced to get to his parents. Sky tried to go after him only to cross a woman who looked very similar to her. Anita had died to one of Silco's molotov cocktails. Sky had to move on, she went on not knowing she had just seen her mother. The gray was everywhere. But she had to find Viktor. She found his home at the old water refinery. His mother was poisoned by the gray, and Vitkor was about to be too. Sky dragged him out despite him screaming for his mom. But there was nothing they could do. She got him to the hospital where his lungs had suffered long term damage from the exposure. Sky went out of her way to look after Viktor.

For a few days he wouldn't leave his room. Then out of the blue he threw himself deep into his work. He just couldn't think about his late parents right now. His home was too poisonous to return to and now his mother or father couldn't see the work he was trying to bring back to Zaun. He began working to fix the water refinery day and night. When it was done and he became Heimderinger's assistant, Sky joined him and they laid his parent's ashes at the base in the water. Sky told Viktor they'd probably be proud of what he's been able to accomplish. It's not a bad place to be laid to rest either. She became his assistant not long after.

Later when Viktor had to bury Sky, he laid her ashes to rest along side his parents. Now she could have a family who'd look after her in the afterlife.

[fllnseraphim]

Alien Stage and Religion

I watched the popular Alien Stage youtube series a while back and was interested about how often "God' was mentioned. Keep in mind, I am not a fan and casually watched the avaliable videos and searched a few things up here and there, so my view...will be surface level. It will also probably be a reach and none of it is canon.

I'll start with Anakt garden, a sort of music school for the human children, which teaches them musical literacy and prepares them to praticipate in the alien stage competitions. However, it uses a cult-like system to brainwash the human kids. They are made to believe in a false god called "Anakt". Which, apparently in the comics, Till's mother has prayed to before. Based off of this, I can assume that this God acts the same as a God from monotheistic and Abrahamic religions.

But our four main characters (Mizi, Sua, Till, Ivan) are unaffacted by the brainwashing. Because their love for others (Sua and Mizi's mutual love, Till's & Ivan's unrequited love) is more important to them than whatever Anakt God. This fuels their love for singing more than faith.

ROUND ONE: MY CLEMATIS

Mizi and Suaare the most religiously tied out of all the others. In this video, Mizi already speaks of a god. She mentions that on Earth, humans used to believe in a God and have religion; that things that couldn't be solved with human strength was just the will of God. And that these Gods (here she mentions it plural), lived in a place connected with the sky where humans simply could not reach.

She also explains that the moment humanity left, they forgot God.

Her statement is untrue. Humans are unable to forget a God or Gods. Religion and faith will always exist in humanity, because a desperate human being will look for a savior and for a God. She proves this by saying "if believing in God is human, if all I can do as a human is believe..." and she looks at Sua next to her on stage and thinks "my God, my universe".

Mizi sees Sua as her God, or I think it would be better to say as an "idol", aka a false God. The lyrics of the song also prove this as they sing in the beginning "Oh my Clematis, hope bloomed from the abyss, oh my Clematis, always be by my side."

It's fair to assume that to Mizi, Sua was that God, the one who gave her hope/made the hope 'bloom' like a clematis flower. The meaning of the clematis flower is also interesting; it means mental acquity, which could be interpreted that the feeling they had for each other made their minds clear & reasonable, causing them to be unaffected by the Anakt garden's brainwashing.

After Sua dies on stage beside Mizi, she

After Sua dies on stage, Mizi is left to sing "oh my Clematis, hope withered in the abyss" by herself. Her 'idol' had died right in front of her, and her hope vanished as well. My personal interpretation of this was that Mizi was 'punished' (not by the aliens, maybe an actual God or the universe), for believing and seeing a false God. The death of Sua in front of her forced her to realize that Sua was, in fact, not a God nor the universe. Only a mere human just as she is. It's somewhat common knowledge that many religions strictly forbid the belief in other idols or Gods.

I also believe that Sua acted like Mizi's God.

Sua is a quiet character, and in the MIZISUA video we see her eyes which are hollow with no emotion, she looks dead or like a doll. Later on, she is shown to be happy and much more alive when she is with Sua. The pleasant feelings she had beside Mizi, compared to the dull emotions in the past, may have been what caused Sua to keep Mizi in the dark about the way their world worked.

She may have wanted for Mizi to always be carefree and happy, to look at Sua with the eyes of love and hope. This also may have led Sua to unintentionally feel God-like, because Mizi saw her as her whole universe. When they sing together, she knows she's going to die, meanwhile it looks like Mizi is in the dark about this. My theory is that, Sua, as someone who is looked up to as a God, needs to sacrifice herself for Mizi. Her actions were selfish, ungodlike, in this way I see her more as an angel (off topic but it reminds me of that song that goes "always an angel, never a God" haha.)

It's actually really difficult for me to see them as lovers or girlfriends. I saw it more as co-dependancy with heavy religious undertones.

While we're on Mizi and Sua:

ROUND 5: RULER OF MY HEART

Mizi is standing on stage against Luka. And we see that Luka is provoking her by using Sua and reminding Mizi of what she had lost. Mizi becomes angry and uncharacteristic to her, she attacks Luka.

I'm tying it to my theory from above: Mizi remained to be innocent and happy while she had Sua as her 'idol' but once she loses that, she becomes aggressive and violent. It's like how many religious people are held back to commit "sinful actions" by their fear or strong love towards a God/Gods. Obviosly, consider this a stretch, it's easier to say that Mizi did that because she was traumatized.

Luka is the only character I actually found extremely interesting in the entire series.

He is clearly shown as the spawn of Satan. A manipulative, scheming and cunning individual. Luka knew about Sua's and Mizi's interesting and complex relationship; Sua being a God-like figure to Mizi. It's difficult to say from what perspective Luka is singing his lyrics from.

I believe that verse 1 and the first chorus is sung by him but as if he is pretending to be Sua. Him imitating her voice and 'transforming' into Sua in Mizi's mind as he sings, confirms this.

The lyrics talk about a "perfect subject" and "when our darkness overlap (let me take it away from you)" it's like he is mocking Sua for acting like a God, and Mizi for being the faithful subject. When they sing the chorus, repeating, "ruler of the heart", it's like he is telling Mizi that Sua was ruling over her heart and now that she is dead, her heart is empty.

Then in verse 2 when he sings "make me your God, I can give you everything", Mizi hallucinates of Sua running by and then of the dead Sua. I believe that, once again, he was singing and mocking Sua.

He made Mizi fully acknowledge once more, that she made Sua her God, a God that ended up causing her pain rather than taking it away. In this way he mocked Sua and her death as well.

With the repeat of the "ruler of my heart", following right after, it aggravates Mizi, because she knows he is right. She is angry at him for mocking them both and she attacks him.

On the other hand, you can look at it through him singing the lyrics himself, rather than through acting like Sua. If you look at him like he is the spawn on Satan, you can see that he is trying to provoke her by getting Mizi to view him as a God now that Sua is gone. He kind of reminds me of that snake from the Adam and Eve in the biblical story. Trying to lure her into darkness. He succeeds when she attacks him, and he smiles at his little victory as she is being dragged away.

FINAL: BLINK GONE

(I skipped talking about the All-In video because I don't have enough material nor enough interest in the relationship between Hyuna and Luka.)

Luka, unlike Till, is seemingly laid-back and doesn't view Till as much of an opponent. Honestly, nothing religious here either, probably due to Till being on the stage as well (sounds weird but I'll explain Till later). Luka only gets slightly shocked when he sees the reignited hope in Till's eyes after Till notices Mizi in the crowd. His plan went slightly askew and it looks like he gets kind of angry before Till finally loses.

it's the only time he's really shown any emotions aside from when he sees Hyuna. It's very obvious that Luka likes the control he has over other peoples' emotions and feelings. He finds joy in tormenting others and most likely feels like a God-like figure. Unfortunately for him, he has one constant reminder of his human nature, because he has an underlying condition only humans can have which causes his blue-purple fingers.

I'm interested to see what his story is and what exactly is going through his mind. But he's not really part of the main characters so it leaves me a bit sad.

Alas, I have no more to say about the little blonde serpent.

*Also, this was my least favorite song in the series and I didn't look much into the lyrics.

IVAN AND TILL

Ivan and Till are much more interesting than Mizi and Sua in my opinion. However, I don't see any religious undertones at all. You can say Till wanted Mizi to be something like his saviour but I would disagree.

I believe these two characters are so much more interesting and complex through a psychological perspective.

If you remember, at the very beginning I talked about Anakt garden and how the four characters weren't affected by the cult brainwashing because of their love for each other.

I take it all back now.

Mizi wasn't affected because she viewed Sua as her God.

Sua wasn't affected because she viewed Mizi as her savior from despair.

Ivan wasn't affected; I believe Ivan is the type to not believe in things like a God or Gods or maybe even hold hatred for a God. He's just so unaffected by the religious stuff, he wants what he can see and feel. He wants Till. His feelings towards Till are interesting because in Black Sorrow he sings about how to him Till is a black sorrow. There's so much more too...

Till seems to be the most rebellious of them all. I can imagine it's probably why he's not affected by the Anakt garden. His love towards Mizi is the most reminiscent of one you would see on Earth. It's one where he wants to know more about Mizi, be beside her, see her, protect her, etc.

Well, if you dig far and deep you might find some religious symbolism for Ivan and Till but it'll be less interesting than figuring them in a psychological way. Especially Ivan, who's incredibly mysterious.

ALIEN STAGE; SWEET DREAM

Finally, my favorite song in the entire series (alongside Nowhere, which at the time of my writing isn't officially out).

Sadly, I have not much to say about it. I don't understand why they sing about a Lord and the father. All I could come up with was that when they sing "my father, my universe" we see the children standing in Anakt garden and singing. Which leads to the interpretation that maybe this video is showing how Anakt garden works (their brainwashing methods) and that these children are singing in praise to the false Anakt God.

This and it's probably singing about Sua and her death based off of the "white dress, dyed red" lyrics, refering to the white dress Sua wore in the first stage. If you want to go further, you can say it was Sua singing about Mizi and how she viewed Mizi as her savior as well, and as a God, hence the "my father, my universe" and "Lord, when this song is over, come and save me from this please".

In which case, Mizi and Sua would be viewing each other as their God, (a 'love' doomed from the start sadly). It's an interesting view as well but I won't dig deep into that.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Overall an interesting project. Major respect to the creators, it's very creative, has great art and amazing music. I'm sure the comics are fun too and add a lot more insight to this, unfortunately I'm not interested.

If anyone actually read this, and is a bigger fan of Alien Stage, please tell me if I was wrong somewhere. Maybe the creators confirmed something as canon but I said the complete opposite haha.

All of the images are by VIVINOS from youtube.

[coniferouspines]

Been thinking about a Stan twins hunger games AU. Throwing it out here because I’m not sure if I’ll ever actually write anything for it, since I’m working on other stuff, but it’s been rattling around in my brain and I must get it out.

More of a dark!Ford type of AU because I’m into that. Possessive, protective Ford my beloved. Love it when he gets to be a little bit deranged.

Anyway.

The twins are separated at birth. Born in a poor district, Ford is adopted by an influential, wealthy capitol family. At the time the plot of the AU begins, he’s in his early twenties and on his way to becoming head gamemaker. He is set to intern/test run the next game mostly by himself, while still under the eye of his mentor, the current head gamemaker. Ford is still a genius, and is well known for being close to the capitol president, Bill Cipher. He has no idea he was born in the districts and was adopted by his otherwise infertile parents.

Stan on the other hand, was raised in the districts by the twins’ bio parents. He becomes a tribute the same year that Ford runs the games. In this AU, the age for potential tributes ranges from 12 to 25. Having tributes in their early adulthood helps with population control. The capitol wants enough people in the districts to keep them running, but not too many people that they start realizing they vastly outnumber the capitol.

Having the tribute age go up to 25 means most people don’t form families and have children too early. Doing so would be risky in the case that one is selected as tribute and taken away from a spouse or a baby. As few are willing to risk such a thing, it means most people in the districts don’t try having kids until they pass the age of 25, when they are no longer eligible as a tribute.

Anyway, Stan gets dragged into the games. Either by getting selected as tribute himself, or by volunteering to take the place of his little brother Sherman as tribute. Either way he gets shipped off to the capitol. And of course, as future head gamemaker, Ford is there during the initial tribute assessments once they all arrive, and he is shocked to see a tribute that shares his face.

Cue the intrigue.

Ford wonders if perhaps it’s simply a case of a doppelgänger, since everyone is said to have another person out there that resembles them. But… The tribute looks far too identical to Ford to be a simple doppelgänger. So Ford starts to wonder if perhaps—outlandishly—he somehow has a twin. He isn’t sure how that would be possible, but he goes about checking Stan’s medical records after the tributes all go through their medical checks. Ford gets his hands on some of Stan’s DNA and secretly runs a few tests.

The results come back showing that Ford does indeed have a twin. But as shocking as the information is, and as much as Ford would like to know more about his newfound brother, the games must go on. Stan must compete.

But Ford is going to make sure Stan wins. No matter what it takes to make it happen. Though he knows he’ll have to be subtle about it. Can’t show too much favouritism—although he can get away with a little, since he’s favoured by president Cipher. Others tend not to mess with him because of that. Though the resemblance between Stan and Ford is probably obvious to the other gamemakers.

Being the head gamemaker for this year’s games, Ford throws everything into making sure Stan wins. And once he does, Ford throws everything into making sure he can have Stan for himself. A good thing he’s close to president Cipher, as Ford simply asks for Stan and Bill gives him to him. Likely Bill in this AU has been manipulating Ford for a while, wanting him to be his second in command. So he allows Ford to keep Stan despite Stan’s victor status, as giving Ford what he wants will make him more likely to be obedient to Bill.

Meanwhile Stan is confused as to why he’s not being allowed to go back home, and angry that he’s being kept from his family. When he meets Ford however, he’s shocked. Post-game is his first time seeing Ford, and Stan has no idea why this guy looks so much like him. But he certainly isn’t a fan of Ford. Both for being a gamemaker and for being “capitol scum”.

Ford is determined to figure out the mystery behind his previously unknown twin, and is determined to make sure Stan stays with him forever. He will not let Stan go back to poverty in the districts, nor have anything to do with the games anymore. Stan is his to keep safe. He wants to get to know his brother and not lose him again.

And perhaps when the truth comes out, when the twins figure out what happened and how they were separated, Ford goes and collects the rest of his biological family from the districts. Or perhaps he doesn’t. Maybe he has a good relationship with his adopted parents and doesn’t care about the rest of his biological family. They gave him a good life. Now he can give Stan a good life.

[lullabyes22-blog]

It's such staleass takes, too.

Like yes, we get it. Despite Arcane having been in the mediaspace for over four years now, your idea of Gotcha basically devolves to the equivalent of "B-But he's coded as Bad so you can't like him as a character and you're also Bad if you do!"

:c

You know, I'd give 'em more credit if they were critiquing how hypocritical he is, or that he's not a suitable leader for a healthy nation, or a suitable father for an emotionally stable child. You know, something with an iota of gradation.

But no, they just fall back to a very black/white reading of his character. It's boring. They're boring. They don't want to like Silco because he doesn't match what they're used to, so they reduce him to the barest components possible and use that as a bludgeoning tool.

Their 'takes' are just them being terrified of complexity.

For a show like Arcane, which thrives off complexity and shades of grey, you'd think that the audience would follow the tone of the show itself, instead of falling into these reductive, binary ways of looking at characters. Instead, we get people who think Jinx is a helpless little muffin, or Caitlyn is an angel descended from on high, and if you don't defend your fave as a plaster saint stripped of all layers, you must secretly hate the show itself.

We get Sevika thirst posts absolutely saturating her tag, but no Sevika critiques, which is just as hilarious.

Critique doesn't make someone a hater of a piece of media. You can like something, or someone, while being fully cognisant of its flaws. But when you're dishing out your critiques, ffs, at least make them interesting? There's so much about Silco to critique! So many layers! And they all just come down to him being 'evil' and therefore Bad, as if we all haven't seen that take a million times.

You're not adding to Discourse. You're just regurgitating playground-level prattle. You want a take that's simple and can fit into a tweet. You're not willing to put in the work for anything more complex, but it's okay, because your friends all think the same thing, so you get lots of retweets and likes for your 'brilliant' insight, which just further cements the idea in your head that you've really understood what makes a complex piece of art work.

If everyone's repeating the same shit, it must be a 'correct' read. Right?

Right.

Meanwhile, Silco enjoyers have moved on to pastures more enriching. I can link you to dozens of nuanced, well-reasoned analyses of his character. It's not a one-time thing, it's not a rare thing. It's not a deluge of "Ohhh, I'd let him choke me, even if he does smell like a wet ashtray" thirst posts. And it's not the equivalent of a 'hot take', because people aren't looking at Silco's complexity for clout, they're doing it because it's genuinely interesting.

You can get engagement in fandoms without having to be controversial.

Who knew?

<3

begging you guys to start using the anti silco tag or some shit like that even if you feel stupid using it bc YES people who like silco realize he’s a bad man EVER OTHER FUCKING POST YOU MAKE IN HIS MAIN TAG IS ABOUT HOW HE SUCKS WE GET IT!!!!!!!

[thewistlingbadger]

idk if this is a 'hot take' but i see way too much of people lusting after Sevika only after erasing her less palatable elements. in headcanons she's admittedly tough and violent but wouldn't hurt anyone unless she had to (i've even seen one where she "only raises her hands in self-defence"). bitch one of the first things we see her do is attempt to square up to a bunch of teenagers for the crime of trying to free their dad! she's willing to kill children with her bare hands. she personally enacts the edicts of a drug kingpin. she taunts vi and jinx during their altercations with the most provocative, soul-destroying shit she can think of. she's the type of fighter who grins manically as she scalds her opponent's cheek. she is not simply someone who nobly sacrifices her own moral purity for 'the greater good' but is otherwise a soft loving Mama Bear™, she gets *nasty* with it! and don't get me wrong, i give enormous moral lenience to most Zaunite characters because the violence of the oppressed is by definition incomparable to the violence of their oppressors. there are myriad explanations and justifications for every single thing they've done. but beyond that, i NEED it to be ok to say that she's a fucking dick sometimes - both interpersonalliy, and on a greater ideological scale - because regardless of how justifiable we find her actions, we should collectively be in a place where we can thirst for Sevika without defanging her as a character. she's compelling and fascinating and attractive BECAUSE she's imbued with agency, which necessitates the capacity for genuinely immoral actions and unlikable behavior! i mean come on! if the white twitter lesbians can so eagerly embrace the moral greyness of their rich fascha femme, we can do it for our butch freedom fighter!! i believe in us!!!

anyway tldr i love Sevika warts and all and everyone do your thing but if you don't love her warts i think you're missing out

Valid valid and valid. Not a single thing you said was incorrect. Sevika is DEVIOUS point blank period. In season 1 she is a minor character so I can understand why she's overlooked a lot but when you actually do look at her she can be VILLAINOUS at times. "It's just a matter of time before you implode and Silco finally gets the hint that you're just about as good for our cause as you were for your family. Jinx." Like DAMN Sevika!! Okay it's like that!! This rudeness that she showed Jinx is a bit fascinating to me because the only other character in this show that is just about as rude as Sevika is in this scene is Mylo. I made a post talking about how she has some similarities to Mylo and someone responded to that by also highlighting that at least Mylo was a teenager beefing with a child, meanwhile Sevika is a whole ass adult beefing with Jinx. I just think that's interesting and funny.

You brought up something that truly is just a plague to all fandoms. Whenever someone says they like a character that has a negative reputation in the source material, everyone starts coming out the woodwork to say it's bad to like that character. People don't seem to understand that just because you like a villain and find their character to be enjoyable doesn't mean you actually condone their actions and would be ok with someone acting like them irl. There are many reasons to like a villainous character and sometimes one of those reasons is BECAUSE they're a villain. Sometimes you like that a character does bad things because it's interesting and entertaining, and liking that doesn't make you a bad person. You should be able to like antagonistic characters for their villainy. Do I understand what they did was bad? Yes. Do I still like them? Yes, and not in spite of it but BECAUSE of it. And you don't have to erase those parts of a character just go openly admit that. You should be able to openly like a character in their full extent. You shouldn't have to ignore certain aspects just for your adoration of a character to be accepted.

Sevika really always has been That Bitch she has no problem telling people how it is directly to their faces. She calls Vander weak in front of everyone. She tells Vi Vander "had his chance" knowing damn well what Vander meant to her. She calls Silco out on his bullshit SEVERAL TIMES in front of him. Sevika isn't restrained as a character at all she's always being her full self. I feel that season two has made Sevika more popular and because her screentime was limited and the writing was different in season two people have allowed her character to become warped. I definitely think that if someone is ok with justifying and excusing the actions of Caitlyn and/or Vi then they should keep that same energy when it comes to Sevika. Sevika is a tough, loyal lady that has a very fun personality and she's also a criminal who has done terrible things for the sake of the cause and most times? Most times she enjoyed doing those things. Most times she went out of her way to revel in instigating. Silco didn't even know Vi was back yet and did that stop Sevika from almost killing Vi? Did that stop her from whispering "who Jinx? She's like his daughter" and looking dead in Vi's eyes just to see her reaction? No. Sevika is a bit messy like that she likes to play with her food lol and honestly I don't blame her lol

[alexa-fika]

The apprentice’s apprentice (Chp 1)

Lesson 1:Don’t Anger The Captain

Prologue

A/N Omg guys I have been wanting to start actually doing series for a bit and I decided to start with this one! I ‘m still deciding if I want to do more than one series at the same time since I ‘m still backed up on requests but I am really exited for this project!!!

Reader here is replaced by Dokucha which stands for Reader in japanese for the enjoyment of both reader and oc character readers alike!

Most Grammar mistakes here are in purpose to better portray Dokucha/reader’s age and if they are not 🤫

Dividers by @/firefly-graphics

“Dokucha, don’t go far. We don’t know what’s on this island.” 

“Oey Ayeigh!” Dokucha responded with a skip on their step as they hurried off, excited at the promise of new land to survey and explore

“There they go again; I swear it’s like talking to a wall!” Rayleigh grumbled as he made his way down the slipway

“Wahahaha! Don’t worry so much, Ray! They will be fine, let them be a kid.” Roger laughed, not far behind his first mate. 

“You’re too soft on them, Roger, you leave them be, and next thing you know, they will be bickering over nonsense like those two!”

“H-Hey!” Buggy protested, a frown painting his face at the accusation 

“Dahahah!”

“What are you laughing at, idiot? He means you, too!”

“What did you say?!” 

“You two better not start squabbling!” Rayleigh snapped, rolling his eyes as the two were quick to look away from each other in a petty display

“But Rayleigh, you also cuddle them!” Buggy accused as he pointed at the man, letting out a yowl as his comment got him a fist on his head

“Serves you right!” Shanks snickers

“Regardless, what are you trying to do here, Roger? Even if Whitebeard was spotted around here, what makes you think he will come here? Are you just going to wait for someone you don’t know will come?” Gaban questioned, joining his crewmates

“He will come! I am sure of it!” The Captain proudly stated

“You don’t know that, Roger,” Rayleigh sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose at his Captain’s antics.

Meanwhile, Dokucha made themselves to the edge of islands some ways away from where the Oro Jackson had anchored. Within minutes, they let out a grin as they had found what they had hoped to find: plant life.

Despite their young age, Dokucha had begun to show interest in plants. Initially, it had begun as a simple attraction to the vivid colors and different shapes, just as many kids their age. However, upon learning from Crocus that plants could be used to treat people in different inflictions, they had found themselves trying to learn all they could about plants, always asking their uncles and brothers to read them books regarding the topic, although still unable to read thanks to this help they had become able to identify a small array of plants and were always on the lookout for plants they could show the crew, happy to show off these skills.

Happy with their find and current stash, they picked themselves up, ready to make their way back to their family. However, they stopped at the sight of something off the coast, which urged them to make haste back to the crew.

-

“Capi!” They called as they ran towards the man, stumbling in their hurry to reach them and deliver the news

“Ah!” They cried, extending their hands to protect themselves, closing their eyes tightly in preparation for the fall, only for another pair of arms to slide under their shoulders to hold them up; confused by the lack of movement, they slowly opened their eyes, catching sight of two dismembered hands holding onto them

“Dokucha! Be careful!” Buggy scolded as he willed his hands to return to his body, bringing with them the child

“Sorry” 

“What were you in such a hurry for anyways?” Rayleigh cut in

“I saw maenes!”

“Manes?” He questioned

“No maines!” They corrected him

“Mains?” He tried

“No!” They cried. Rayleigh gave his crew a glance, silently asking for some help.

“What was it?” Buggy asked as the child turned to them

“Maines!”

“M-arines?” He questioned with a cry

“Yeah!” 

“Oh!! Now, this is perfect timing! We have something to kill the time while we wait for Whitebeard!” Roger boomed, a childish gleam escaping him as he spoke.

“Now then!” He started grabbing Dokucha from Buggy’s arms.

“Think you can take us to where you saw them?” He called with a grin as he put his hat on the child

“Yes! Capi!” Dokucha called excited at the prospect of leading the crew to their objective. They saluted the man as he placed them down and scurried their way to the field, not bothering to look behind them as they did.

Skidding to a stop as they arrived on the coast, they spun around, ready to announce their arrival, only to notice the crew had lagged behind. Most likely still talking amongst themselves as they slowly followed behind them.

“Awe, they’re slow!” They complained, their frown turning around as they felt their presence behind them, spinning around once again

“Capi, I beat yo…..” they paused, eyes widening at the men before them their ship and it's goverment symbol right behind them.

“Huh? Why is there a kid here?” The marine questioned

“They’re probably from a nearby village; civilians are quite nosy these days,” a nearby marine said, sending a disapproving frown at the child.

“Now hurry along, brat. The grownups have work to do,” they drawled, watching as the kid slowly backed away from them, stumbling once again. With no one to catch them, they fell to the ground, losing the hat that previously dwarfed them. They scrambled to take hold of it until one of the marines took it instead.

“Wait. This symbol….it’s the Roger pirates Jolly Roger!” The marine called at who Dokucha could only guess to be a commander

“So this brat is one of them?!” He growled, unsheathing his sword

“Go easy on them; they’re just a kid!” one of the soldiers called, though their tone did not offer any reassurance; instead, it was filled with mockery that unsettled the child.

“It’s better to pluck the weed before it becomes an invasion!” He exclaimed, raising his sword and swinging it down on the child 

‘Help!’ 

“W-What the hell?!” The marine cried, urging Dokucha to open their eyes in time to watch as screaming and wailing began escaping the ship as their mast came barreling down on them. Marines soon began to abandon the ship as a huge slash hit the side of the boat with a resounding boom, smoke, and fire following suit; they watched as the cut rapidly capsized the vessel as water poured in.

“I was looking for some fun, but it looks like you lads came looking for trouble; since you saw it reasonable to cut down one of my apprentices, I see it totally reasonable to cut down each of you, yes?” A voice seethed behind them. Had Dokucha not recognized the voice, they would have followed the marine’s actions as they, one by one, began to drop their weapons and attempted to run away, most of them not making it as far as an overwhelming force reached them, causing them to crumple down.

“Dokucha! Come on, we have to get out of the way!” Buggy cried as he scooped them up.

“Why? Capi is here!” They questioned, watching as they started making distance from said man, noticing how the rest of the crew had done the same

“Why is everyone over here?” 

“Listen, Dokucha! You don’t want to be close to the Captain when he gets angry. You don’t anger the Captain and get away with it!”

Dokucha observed the battlefield, kicking their legs as they took the scene in. Buggy’s words turned out to be nothing short of true, as all of the crew let the Captain handle things as he mercilessly massacred the whole brigade, staining the field with red with each cut until there was nothing more to cut, and it was only then that he appeared somewhat satisfied as he sheathed his sword, shaking it dry from the blood trickling from it. 

He leisurely approached one of the few surviving marines and lifted the man until he was on his knees, held up by the scruff of his shirt, his consciousness slipping away.

“You should have brought Sengoku or Garp with you! You guys are no fun,” he called mockingly. Dokucha watched as the Captain continued to taunt him with various words, turning her sight to Shanks. Now wearing the hat the marines had grabbed, he crouched on a fallen marine as he ate the marine’s food happily; at the feeling of being watched, he looked up, grinning at Dokucha.

“You okay, Dokucha?” He called

“Y-yeah!” They sputtered out, getting nervous as the teen furrowed his eyebrows at their words as he continued to watch them.

“Shans?” 

“Hey, you did well back there! Good job in spotting the marines. I ‘ll be sure to give you a treat when we’re done, okay?” He promised as he waved the chocolate in his hands, watching as they beamed at the praise and nodded their head vigorously, stopping at the squeak their brother behind them let out.

“Buggie?”

“It-it’s the Whitebeard pirates!”

Please let me know what you guys think about this one!! Again I am so exited for this!! I ‘ve got a whole draft if the whole thing going and everything 😂

Taglist:

@Imaginarydreams

@amethystviolin

@h0n3y-l3m0n05

@hannahbarberra162

@epochal-oracle

[peachjagiya]

Hello, I am a casual reader of your blog as well as other blogs about BTS, Ateez, and Stray Kids ships. I’m particularly into these three groups (mostly BTS) and enjoy reading about ships from shippers’ perspectives. While I wouldn’t consider myself a shipper, I do enjoy fanfiction and occasionally indulging in the more far-fetched romance theories some shippers come up with.

I haven’t followed BTS ships as closely as I used to, but from what I know, Taekook and Jikook remain the two most prominent rival ships within the BTS fandom. Having read your blog for a while now, I’m familiar with many of your theories and beliefs, and I’d like to challenge you a bit, just for discussion sake.

I recently came across one of your posts from last year where you debated with a Jikooker. One of the points you made was that Jikook couldn’t possibly be a couple because Jungkook didn’t invite any of Jimin’s friends to his album release party, whereas he invited Taehyung’s friends. However, by this same logic, aren’t Eunwoo and Mingyu also considered Jungkook’s close friends? Yet, I didn’t see them at the party either. In fact, I don’t recall hearing about any of his 97-liner friends attending. Do you think this means Jungkook is closer to Wooga Squad than to his own group of friends since they were present at the party while his 97-liner friends were not?

Additionally, wasn’t Wooga Squad also present at J-Hope’s album release party? I’ve seen many Taekookers argue that the only person Taehyung has brought into his friend group is Jungkook. If that’s the case, why were Wooga Squad members at J-Hope’s party? Wasn’t there also speculation about Taehyung hanging out with Wooga Squad and J-Hope during Chapter Two of BTS?

Another point you raised recently was about Jungkook’s closeness to Park Hyo-shin, particularly when Jungkook referred to him as “hyung” in his last livestream. You seemed to highlight this as significant. However, if I recall correctly, Jungkook also referred to Taemin as “Taeminie hyung” on AYS when he mentioned that Taemin and Jimin used to spend a lot of time in pool parlors together. Similarly, didn’t Jungkook also speak about Taeyang on his Live right after Jimin and Taeyang collabed on “Vibe” with Jk’s calling him a cool hyung?

Speaking of shared friends, didn’t Jimin mention on AYS, that he went snowboarding with Jungkook’s friends a few years ago, even when Jungkook wasn’t present which shows that Jimin had/ has a relationship with Jk’s friends enough to hang out with them even without Jk being present?

I was reminded of these points while reading your recent discussions about Wooga Squad. These are a few things I’ve come across on your blog that didn’t quite add up for me. I’ve noticed that shippers often emphasize certain aspects of their ship as unique while overlooking similar dynamics in rival ships. Since I read from multiple shipper perspectives, I tend to notice these things more easily which one party usually doesn’t mention because they’re unaware they happened or just don’t see them as significant.

Jungkook’s friendship with Wooga Squad and Taehyung’s friends seems to be a major point that taekookers especially newer Taekookers, rely on as evidence of their ship being real. However, I find it interesting that the first instance of Jungkook being seen publicly with another member’s friends on multiple occasions was with Jimin’s friends. In fact, signs of Jungkook’s friendship with Taehyung’s friends only started to appear around 2022. Meanwhile, Jungkook has been seen with Jimin’s friends since 2017, and we now know that Jimin has even spent time with Jungkook’s friends without Jungkook being present. So I wonder what these people would have thought about this friendship angle pre 2022 where there was little or no proof that Jk knew or hungout with Tae’s friends even though there was enough proof of him knowing and hanging out with Jimin’s? It was a big deal for Jikookers at the time because out of all the members, the only two we knew hung out with each other’s friends were Jimin and Jungkook.

I’m genuinely curious about your thoughts on this and would love to hear your perspective. This is purely for discussion and not an attempt to challenge or change your beliefs. I’m just interested in your reasoning. Lastly, just to clarify, I’m not a Jikooker. Mentioning this because I know someone is about to call me a jikooker because of all the Jikook comparisons but as I said earlier, only doing that because Jikook and Taekook are still the biggest rival ships and share so many similarities in my opinion.

Sure. Why not.

One of the points you made was that Jikook couldn’t possibly be a couple because Jungkook didn’t invite any of Jimin’s friends to his album release party, whereas he invited Taehyung’s friends.

I think I probably implied it was interesting that Taehyung had his friends but Jimin did not have rather than "couldn't possibly be" but without the link to the post you refer to, I can't really hunt it down right now and my tumblr search isn't providing. If you can quote me directly, I'd be interested to see what I actually said.

However, by this same logic, aren’t Eunwoo and Mingyu also considered Jungkook’s close friends? Yet, I didn’t see them at the party either.

Do you think this means Jungkook is closer to Wooga Squad than to his own group of friends since they were present at the party while his 97-liner friends were not?

Having just looked it up, Eunwoo was there.

As were Seventeen so Mingyu is a firm educated assumption.

We didn't see pictures of anyone except BTS members in attendance (minus Yoongi and Jin as they couldn't be photographed), Peakboy, Daul and Hyesung. But it's been confirmed that Bada, Winter, Seojoon, Jung Haein, Kim Soohyun and a limited number of others attended. No photos ≠ no attendance.

Especially when it's a no cameras small guest list event. Which leads nicely to the next point:

Additionally, wasn’t Wooga Squad also present at J-Hope’s album release party? I’ve seen many Taekookers argue that the only person Taehyung has brought into his friend group is Jungkook.

J-hope's party was HUGE and notably star-studded. In fact, weren't there some reporters and influencers invited? I don't think Hobi was that picky with the guest list and it was definitely more public and better publicised than Jungkook's private party.

Wasn’t there also speculation about Taehyung hanging out with Wooga Squad and J-Hope during Chapter Two of BTS?

My understanding of this might be wrong so please correct me, people who know better: I believe someone thought Hobi was at the snowboarding due to a pair of shoes that Hobi also has. It turned out to be Hyungsik. Considering Jungkook mentioned himself going with "Taehyung and his friends" and didn't mention Hobi, I think we can assume it was mistaken identity. Unless they went snowboarding together more than once. That's a possibility, I'll wait for Jungkook to tell me about it. 😂

Another point you raised recently was about Jungkook’s closeness to Park Hyo-shin, particularly when Jungkook referred to him as “hyung” in his last livestream. You seemed to highlight this as significant. However, if I recall correctly, Jungkook also referred to Taemin as “Taeminie hyung” on AYS when he mentioned that Taemin and Jimin used to spend a lot of time in pool parlors together.

Hey, you got me there: Jungkook uses hyung. I still think hyung combined with time spent and phone calls made is notable though.

Speaking of shared friends, didn’t Jimin mention on AYS, that he went snowboarding with Jungkook’s friends a few years ago, even when Jungkook wasn’t present which shows that Jimin had/ has a relationship with Jk’s friends enough to hang out with them even without Jk being present?

Jimin mentioned going snowboarding many years ago with them. I think it was around 2017, someone calculated? Jungkook began to interact with 97 line in 2016, as far as I know. (they were interacting at 2017 ISAC in the January so reasonable guess.)

This is going to sound like I'm making excuses but the fresh friendships when you're 19 are not the same friendships as the very established best friends you have at nearly 30. I do think it's different the older you get and I would have a different opinion of Jimin hanging out with JK's friends these days. Still not a romantic one but I would find it more notable probably.

I also think a lot about the context of Wooga and Jungkook. You can look at so many things on the surface as "oh this is the same as Jimin hanging out with Seventeen." but you can't just seperate things out into detail ABC matches detail XYZ therefore detail ABC doesn't mean anything.

What's the context? The context is important!

The context is that Taehyung feels safe and unguarded with Wooga. He says this to them. His walls are down when he's with them. Not only is this very sweet and meaningful but it carries a weightier implication that he doesn't feel unguarded everywhere.

The fact that Taehyung brings Jungkook into his safe space is SOMETHING. It just is. Not even proof of romance by itself but it's certainly something. You can't just gotcha it away because Jimin snowboarded with an unknown friend of JK's one time. These grown up feelings don't have scoreboards where one point cancels another out. You simply have to look at the WHOLE wider picture.

Similarly, if Hobi had been welcomed into the safe space by Taehyung, that would be NOTABLE to me... but still not romantic because there is no romantic wider context.

Jikook and Taekook are still the biggest rival ships and share so many similarities in my opinion.

I don't see the similarities that strongly but nor do I see the need to disregard Taekook moments just because Jimin did something similar. The wider context for Jimkook doesn't exist for me so the details don't have a context that I find compelling.

[yinyunnsworld]

High school Au

I never knew I’d come to like high school romances and the fact it’s the most cliche one: popular boy x quiet girl? Bro i was playing this one cai bot (cause i’m delusional) and there was this popular boy bot. I was like??? Ajdbxjehnen. You know, I’m almost graduating already and in the animes, they’re just starting their first year of high school meanwhile I’m already there at the end of everything. So here, I’m gonna share a prompt with you guys and uh this is mostly what i do at highschool back then:

Characters: various x readers.

Word: 1.1k

Warning: can be ooc. A train of thoughts so it’s messy. Typos are to beware of. Broken grammar. Unedited. First draft.

Imagine you’re an average student. Sure, you did have friends, you did your work splendidly, and although you’re not an academically smart or active student, the teachers still remembered you pretty much. You never played in the popular kids’ circles since most of the time, those students would outcast others who tried to be part of the circle when they had nothing to offer. It’s like a sore thumb sticking out and you’re just there, supposedly ruining their aesthetics with your ‘weird’ and ‘boring’ personality.

But you’re not bullied as well! You’re just very much a wallflower that if you were to blend in with the geek kids, you’ll stand out too much. Yet if you blend with the cool kids, you’re too bland.

That was until he came.

At first, he found you to be a rather boring person since you didn’t talk much yet when you did, you had the whole audience staring at you. By that I mean, when you came forth to perform a speech or any speaking assignment in front of the class, you knew what to do to make attention land on you. Even when you stepped down from the stage, that charm immediately vanished and you returned to nobody.

You would still be able to make lots of acquaintances with lots of people although they’re necessarily not your friends. When he asked others if they knew you by one coincidental day in which he didn’t even realize your image was playing in his head, and he’d unconsciously asked about you, others would tell him, ‘Yeah, I know her.’

And despite always downplaying things, he would sometimes scroll through your social media account by accident. He claimed that he did it because your recent post of you hanging out at your friend’s birthday party showed up on his feed (none of you followed each other since he was too conscious to even follow you), he saw that you posted mostly of yourself and of your friends. Well, perhaps there weren’t that many posts on your account since you didn’t exactly use it that much, but when you did post something, he would check on your profile to see if he missed out on your other previous posts. Sometimes, he would accidentally even click on your story, leaving a trail of his user visible on your history. Before he knew it, he already cursed himself for accidentally clicking on your story, but damn did the view you posted on the story seemed awesome.

Eventually, as time passed by, he grew to be more and more curious of you. There were instances where he would offer to be the leader of an assignment group just to take you as his member (he promised it was because he wanted your usefulness and all the skills you could offer that could help boost this assignment’s grade, even if his other friends disagreed).

And during sport’s day, where everyone was basically bathed in their murky and awful sweats, he would find you around the canteen area, attempting to buy drinks without getting busted by the teachers since it wasn’t recess yet. He would use this as a chance and made his way around to the canteen, showing up beside you and bought two drinks. One for him and one for you. He left the drink on the counter, in which you grabbed it and called out to him, and he turned around and spoke, “Oh, that’s for you.” With that, he ran away (thinking he was so smooth, huh?)

Sometimes, he would find you standing in the hallway after school, staring down at the courtyard on your way home. You would often take another route and it would change most of the times just to stall your time, not to go home too soon and enjoy the quietness of the school’s ground when there’s no disturbances. He got intrigued as he noticed your constantly changing route and would follow you from behind, a few feet away of course and acted like he was going home through that route too. Although, in fact he was just curious and wanted to know what you’d be doing after school if you’re not active or part of any activity group.

He would snicker when he watched you wait for someone to come and pick you up from school and you were sitting down on the floor. There was a huge black fat cat that came crawling towards you and sat on your thighs without your prior notice, making a claim on your lap as though it’s the cat’s decision whether or not it could sleep there. You’d panic yet you couldn’t push him off and looked around for help since your pick up had already arrived and you needed to get home soon. He showed up from the corner and helped you take the cat away from your lap. You’d thank him and left already, hurrying to your pick-up driver. He smiled friendly, although the cat glared at him.

And finally, he began to talk to you. Little by little, one by one, conversations between you two were exchanged. He didn’t think you’d actually have some complexity in your character despite always displaying yourself to be a quiet and boring person. You can be loud at times, weird, witty, and sometimes awkward and just embarrassing.

Slowly, the two of you became friends. And he didn’t acknowledge the fact that his heart was already advancing beyond the word ‘friendship’, it’d grown far too unsalvageable. But whenever he saw your oblivious smile to his feelings, he wanted to squish your cheek and pull you to a kiss to actually get the fact drilled in your head that he liked you a lot. But he didn’t and simply laughed at you whenever you’re oblivious to his advances, ruffling your hair to a mess. He would do anything to tease you and annoy you but never to actually lay a hand on you and hurt you like that.

He would just have to wait for the right time to say that he liked you.

Thus, he waited, and waited, and waited…

And now you’re here, celebrating that you’re finally graduating. And he would finally come to you, yet immediately turned cowardly to actually say something to you since you were smiling that day, taking pictures with almost everyone—even the ones you didn’t like because you didn’t want to leave regrets behind. He didn’t want to ruin anything for you, thus he simply remained silent and threw a fist of flour and poured it over to you out of playfulness in which he’d kept that grip of flour behind his back already this whole time.

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

To Break Free

Chapter Two Summary:

Joel Miller has been called many things in his life, but a party planner has never been one of them. However, with how things had been left between the two of you after your disastrous date night, the pressure is on. Meanwhile, across the street, the forces of life seem to be working against you, as a letter in the mail and a broken AC nearly convince you to call the whole thing off. Nevertheless, the show must go on and with sweat running down your back, you venture over to the house across the street in hopes that some socialization might distract you from the past.

Warnings: NoOutbreak!Joel Miller/Reader, Sarah and Ellie as siblings, Neighbour!Joel, The Miller Girls as Wingmen for Both Reader and Joel, Tommy Is a Little Shit, Angst and Tooth Rotting Fluff, Both Reader and Joel Want Each Other So Bad, Pining, Soft!Joel, Mentions of Past Relationship/Abuse (read with caution), Mentions of Imbalance of Power in Past Relationships (read with caution x 2).

A/N:

Hey y'all, welcome back! This chapter is a bit long but like my username suggests, it's the first week back after the break and I'm running from my responsibilities rn lol.

This chapter starts off from Joel's perspective and shows where he's at after everything that went down in chapter one. We also learn more about reader's past, particularly the ex that she is trying super hard not to think about. It does give some perspective as to why she is hesitant to start anything with Joel but also, we can see her struggling with that because they are both down bad. A bit of a warning for some of the memories reader goes through pertaining to her ex. No physical violence, but he definitly took advantage of her as her professor and was emotionally abusive. If that is something you are uncomfortable with, please take care of yourself and do not read. You could always message me for a sparknotes version of the chapter if you don't want to miss out.

Either way, don't worry, there is loads of angsty fluff and pining as well. These two want to fuck each other so bad in this chapter that it hurts lol. Enjoy! <3

Chapter 2/10

Chapter 2: The Barbecue

The chips were set out, the drinks buried in tubs of ice, plates of meat and veggies waiting in the fridge for their turn on the grill, yet he couldn’t stop pacing. The moment that the sunrise had peeked through his blinds that morning, Joel Miller had been up and running. He knew he was being ridiculous. Despite his hectic schedule and two teens, the Miller home was usually kept rather tidy. However, the second his feet had touched down on the main floor, all his anxious eyes could see was filth. When was the last time Joel had scrubbed the walls or vacuumed in between the couch cushions? He couldn’t remember, which led to him starting off his day with a needless scrub down of every nook and cranny that any reasonable person would neglect. 

Joel was being a bit much, he felt it in the glares that his daughters had both sent him at different points that morning due to his deranged scouring, but the usual embarrassment that came from their teasing was dwarfed by his nerves. Even when every surface in the house was practically sparkling from his efforts, he still couldn’t stop. Instead, Joel buried himself in the food preparations, further annoying his girls as he quizzed them on any food intolerances that any of his guests may have. By the time his worries about the food were soothed, after being reminded multiple times that they had already helped him write the list that he had brought with him to the grocery store, he was close to collapsing. 

Something was brewing inside of Joel, something that made all of the air rush out of his lungs,  that brightened the tips of his ears when his daughters teased him about it, that made him want to throw up when he thought about the last time he saw you. He had been stupid, so incredibly stupid that he had nearly had a panic attack when you left him on the porch that night. A migraine had gathered at the base of his skull after you bid him goodbye, forcing him to stumble home and collapse into bed with a frustrated huff. It was as if his brain was rejecting itself for bringing you any pain, betraying him for not being more careful with his words. 

In his defense, Joel had been barely conscious at the restaurant that night, nodding along to a trust fund baby nearly half his age prattling on about the luxury homes he wanted the company to pump out for him. As much as Joel tried to stay present for the sake of the cash he was getting waved under his nose, he was out of his element. It was Tommy who usually handled all of the schmoozing, giving the clients that million dollar customer service smile that the eldest Miller lacked. However, after a mix up with the scheduling that had left the more sociable brother severely overbooked, Joel had been forced to step up. 

“The thing is John, it’s John right? Anyways, I don’t want this to be a place for nobodies. This neighbourhood is going to be nice, a place where young families can go to be away from the rest of this dumpy town,” the client explained. 

Joel had smiled politely, though he couldn’t help but imagine strangling the smug prick with his skinny necktie. He had seen tons of developers like him over the years, flashy assholes who wanted nothing more than to build a ridiculously expensive neighbourhood that made everyone else’s rents go up. He hated the homes that his wealthier client base always wanted. They were all the same, luxury homes that were devoid of any life or warmth. Just once, Joel wanted to go back to the basics, to work on a place with a little bit of character or at least be allowed to paint the outside of the building something other than grey. But with this guy, he knew there wasn’t any chance. 

“I want the neighbourhood to look clean, ya know? And it can’t be trashy if all of the places look alike. Plus, with a fair price on the mortgages given how nice you’ll make it, we can make sure that the riff raff stays out,” the developer continued, his pointed words grating on Joel to no end. 

“Yeah, I think I get what you’re saying,” Joel sighed, swirling the little bit of whiskey left in the bottom of his glass. 

Joel suddenly wished he had taken a cab, maybe then he could have slammed enough drinks to make the meeting interesting enough to withstand. The client kept chattering, the sound of his nasally voice slowly blending into the upbeat hits that were making his ears ring. He thought about calling the whole thing off, wondering if he could ask for forgiveness from his brother later if he made up a good enough excuse. However, just as he was about to excuse himself with a fake family emergency, his eyes landed upon you. Or rather, they landed upon you with him. 

Jealousy had seeped into Joel’s chest as he watched the way your date’s hand had pushed against your space between your shoulders, leading you to the table with a wolfish grin plastered across his face. All of Joel’s coronary arteries constricted at that, the sight of you being pushed into the table by another man making him burn bright with rage. And yet, he couldn’t look away. The heels that made your legs look a mile long, the makeup that accentuated all of the features that had haunted him since your first day in town, the messy updo that showed off the gentle slope of your neck, were all so infuriatingly perfect. Infuriating especially because Joel knew that it wasn’t for him. 

Joel was jealous. He was jealous and he knew that it was stupid to feel that way. Afterall, he had only met you once. Christ, but what a meeting it had been, he thought to himself as he tried not to remember your damp body on display for him. However, no matter how hard he tried to remind himself that you were basically a stranger, that his stupid crush didn’t mean anything to you and shouldn’t, the green monster had been released. It clawed at the inside of his ribcage, tearing his heart to shreds the longer he stared at you all dolled up for another man. He had no claim over you and yet, the envy he felt towards your date had dug its talons into his soul and refused to let go. 

Nevertheless, the more time went on, the more antsy Joel became. Something was off, he saw it in the way you squirmed uncomfortably in your chair, or how you began to shrink even further into your seat each time your date rushed off to the bathroom. It was only after the dickhead had shuffled back over for a third time that Joel truly understood what was going on and with you suddenly on the verge of tears, flashing the man across from you a forced grin, he was enraged. 

“Anyways John, I’m sure your company will do fine. I’ve talked to your brother a bit. He seems more uh…  my speed. I’ll get my secretary to send over the paperwork to him and then we can get started, okay?,” the younger man had asked him, stretching his hand out for him to take. 

“Yep, sounds good man,” Joel answered, quickly shaking the hand outstretched to him. 

The client had said his goodbyes after that, likely not wanting to sit and socialize with the gruff contractor that had begun to actively ignore him. Quite frankly, Joel didn’t care what the guy thought of him. His work spoke for itself. Plus, he would make his apologies later if need be but at that moment, he had bigger fish to fry. 

Although the jealousy that Joel had felt was still there, flaring up every time his eyes raked over your beautifully done up figure, the edges of it had softened as the minutes ticked by. That man, whoever he was, was a certified asshole. Aside from the frequent trips to the bathroom, with each return making your date’s vice of choice more obvious than before, Joel couldn’t help but notice how silent you had become. Distress practically rolled off of your tense shoulders, reaching out to him from across the room and thickening the lining of his throat until he felt like he might burst out into tears himself if something wasn’t done. 

Joel had willed himself to yell out, to beg you to speak up from his seat at the bar. He wanted to see you rip your date a new one and walk out with your pretty head held high, but none of that came to pass. Instead, his heart had gotten heavier and heavier as you got smaller and smaller, until he at last couldn’t take it anymore. 

Before your date had even fully left the table for his final bathroom trip of the night, Joel was already halfway out of his seat. He slammed down a wad of bills for his drink before he left, not even looking at the ridiculous amount he had left the bartender as he hurried towards the other end of the room. His sole focus was the beautiful woman whose eyes were glossed over as she bounced off of the service staff with the grace of a newborn deer, trying and failing to keep it together as the rich pricks around her failed to hide their amusement. 

“Oh honey,” Joel groaned under his breath as he spied your purse still slung over your chair, quickly switching paths so that you wouldn’t have to go through the embarrassment of returning for it after your frazzled escape. 

Everything that had come afterwards had happened so fast that it was practically a blur to him now. Although, your teary eyed face was burned into Joel’s memory, still beautiful yet so raw as you tried to keep from balling in front of him when he finally caught up to you outside. And then came the punch he had launched at your date, an act of violence that was so out of character for a man his age, a man that had given up bar fights the second his first child had slid into the world, that he didn’t even know what to think. That ride home had been tense, with him trying not to freak out over the snap decision while he drove you home, terrified that it might get back to his kids somehow as you sniffled and sighed beside him. 

It was at a red light that Joel had finally made up his mind about the incident. As he watched you try to wipe the smeared eyeliner off of your face, eyes red as a fresh wave of tears ruined your progress, he decided that he didn’t regret the punch one bit. How dare that asshole make you, or any woman for that matter, feel so horrible. The woman he had met a month prior had been tired, a bit sad even, but not diminished. There had been a flicker of light in your eyes, one that Joel hoped to stroke into a roaring flame someday if you gave him a chance, but in that moment it had all but vanished. And the longer he had sat in his truck that night, listening to you trying to breathe through your distress, the more he wanted to rain hellfire down on anyone who ever made the mistake of hurting you. 

“Fuck’s sake,” Joel hissed, coming back to the present as hot water suddenly scalded his hands. 

Dropping the glass he was scrubbing back into the soapy water, Joel placed both of his hands on the edges of the sink and sighed. He had tried not to let himself think about it since that night, about how hard he wanted to punch any man who made you frown like that. And that moment, with the way things had ended on Thursday, he was at the top of his own list. 

Joel needed to make things right with you, he needed it like the air he breathed. For a month he had run to the front windows every time he heard the tell tale signs of your clunky Honda making its way back home, hoping to catch a glimpse of the goddess next door. And now, with the events of your date night still fresh in his mind, along with his piss-poor excuse for an apology the previous morning, he was close to driving to the coast and walking straight into the ocean. Joel sighed, growing more disgruntled by the second. He needed to make things right with you, lest he be doomed to pining for you from afar and getting teased by his family members until you inevitably met a more handsome man that he would be unreasonably jealous of. 

“Look, I really appreciate what you did for me today. I know that this was not how you probably wanted to spend your Thursday, but you don’t have to stay. I’m fine, everything is great. You can go back to the people you’ve got and I’ll go back to… Uh, this,” you had laughed bitterly, gesturing towards the empty house, “I mean, this is all I’ve got, right?” 

Joel Miller was not the best at expressing himself, that much was glaringly obvious. But your words, the way you had thanked him for something he had done on his volition while simultaneously disparaging yourself, had taken him completely off guard. It was preposterous, the thought of someone like you having nothing in your life other than the fixer upper you went home to at the end of the day. 

If only you knew how much the girls adored you, practically gushing about the interesting woman that they cornered at every turn and forced into movie nights. Or, how Joel greedily sucked up any tidbit of information about you they sprinkled into their stories, cataloging everything he learned in case he may one day get the chance to use it. Whether you knew it or not, you had the Miller clan under lock and key, especially their patriarch. Though, given the fact that he had gone AWOL since your first day in Austin, he understood why you wouldn’t think to include him on your list of friends. 

The last month of work had been tough. With the school year coming to a close and summer biting at his ankles, the company was set for a busy season of jobs and Joel had been running around like a chicken with his head cut off to keep up with the preparations. Each morning, he was gone at an ungodly hour, barely managing to wait for the coffee to brew most days. Still, that didn’t mean that Joel wasn’t looking for you in all that time, that he didn’t long to be in your presence again. The few glimpses he caught of you after work made his day and he found himself dreaming about the sundresses you wore or the way the light made your hair shine. Even his girls, as quick as they were to tease him about everything under the sun, had shifted their tact from razzing him to outright begging him to do something about his obvious attraction. In their words, he was getting downright pathetic. 

“What’s got your head in the clouds?,” Tommy teased, his brother’s loud voice rudely snapping him from the thoughts that were unsurprisingly centered around you. 

“New lady just moved in across the street, he’s in loooove,” Ellie singsonged, words muffled around a mouth full of the cookie dough that she had snagged from the freezer. 

“Say it, don’t spray it kiddo,” Joel grunted, shaking his head at his daughter as she opened her mouth in defiance, showcasing all of her unchewed food before she flipped him off. 

“S’that right? Well I’ll be, you didn’t tell me you were seeing anybody,” his brother laughed. 

Joel sighed, suddenly wondering if it had been a good idea to invite you over. It wasn’t that he didn’t want you in his home, filling it with laughter and warmth as you left traces of your delicious perfume on hopefully every surface. Having you over was probably his greatest desire, second only to the far off fantasy of his crappy attempts at being funny being the reason you were laughing so hard, but he couldn’t help his own nerves. What if you didn’t have fun? What if Tommy said something embarrassing? What if you thought his home was a dumpster fire? What if too many people came? What if his girls told you about the stupid crush that he so obviously harbored? And worst of all, what if you never showed? 

That last one was what Joel feared the most. He hadn’t meant to imply that you didn’t have anybody and yet, that was how it came out. The breakfast and the note he had left was a cheap apology, but he couldn’t think of what else to do. He was so sure that you would leave his gift on the porch to rot, perhaps even text him a long winded message that amounted to a succinct fuck you, but instead he had been surprised by a short thank you message, followed by a question about what time the event started. Joel had answered the text with shaky hands, buzzing with excitement and terror as he tried to answer as casually as he could. With all the information you could ever need, even with his many nerve induced spelling errors, there was no reason for you not to come. However, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to worry about it. 

“Leave him be guys, he looks like he’s going to barf,” Sarah chastised as she strolled into the kitchen, drawing a few laughs from the rest of his family. 

“Christ almighty, m’not gonna barf. Worry about yourselves,” Joel groaned, praying for any higher power to smite him before his nausea proved her wrong. 

Nobody answered him, preferring instead to give each other amused looks as Joel returned to scrubbing the dishwasher spots from all of his best glasses. With how many red solo cups he had on hand in case any of the adults preferred a mixed drink instead of the sodas, beers, and coolers he had on deck, the quick scrub down was pointless but his brain couldn’t stop playing the what if game. Like what if all of the plastic cups got used up by the time you arrived and you were forced to drink out of one of his? The last thing Joel wanted was for you to see all the little white specks. That was careless. It was less than you deserved. And he couldn’t allow that. 

“Dad, you need to chill out. The place looks great, we’ve got way too much food and drinks, and there will be plenty of people here to talk you up. Everything is going to be fine, I promise. She’s gonna have a great time,” Sarah said, nudging him away from the sink so she could finish up. 

“I’m not, that’s not -,” Joel cleared his throat, “That’s not what this is. I just want everyone to feel at home. Is that such a crime? Everyone deserves to have a good time. I-I need to make things right with uh - with everyone. Why is that so hard for you guys to understand?” 

Joel winced at his own transparency. He was usually better at hiding his love life from his family, if the flings he had over the years even counted as such. But you were different. He didn’t want you to be like the rest, he wanted you all to himself. Alas, he probably wasn’t even on your radar yet, which meant that claiming that you were a part of his love life was false. 

“Right, well if you’re trying to impress everyone, then you should probably put in a little bit more effort than that, old man. Can’t be letting everyone think that you dress like a friggin’ slob,” Ellie suggested, her eyes raking up and down his figure in disapproval. 

Joel balked, looking down at his outfit. He hadn’t even thought about what he was going to wear, too busy tearing through his house like a madman for any spec of dirt he could find. It wasn’t like dressing up was really his thing anyways. Most of his days were spent in beaten up work clothes or the sweatpants he threw on at the end of the day but he wanted to do better, even though he couldn’t remember the last time he had spruced himself up for a lady, much less one that had infiltrated his brain like you had. 

“Hmmm yeah, and everyone would also probably appreciate it if you showered first. You’re a bit too rank right now to be pulling any moves on everyone, unless of course your goal is to make them gag,” Sarah chuckled as she placed the last glass back into the cupboard. 

As much as Joel wanted to argue, they had a point. With sweat darkening nearly every inch of his shirt, his curls in disarray, and his body odor souring even the inside of his own nostrils, he was truly disgusting. His eyes snapped towards the clock, lips forming a grim line as he saw the time. One hour. He had one hour before people, perhaps even you, started pouring into his home. How in the hell was he supposed to shower, find something decent to wear, figure out what to do with his hair, and have one last meltdown, all before you arrived? 

“There’s an outfit laid out on your bed, compliments of your two loving daughters who got woken up by your loud-ass cleaning spree this morning. Don’t change a thing about it, just put it on when you’re out of the shower and then fix your hair. Go,” Sarah commanded him. 

“What? C’mon, I can dress myself!,” he halfheartedly protested, earning him a look from everyone in the room. 

“Yeah, yeah, you can thank us after you ask her out,” Ellie chuckled, slapping him on the back as she swerved past to pilfer through the freezer once more. 

Joel sighed, trying not to let his utter embarrassment overwhelm him as he started towards the stairs. 

“Fine, just don’t be getting into the appetizers while I’m gone,” Joel announced, turning back to give them all a look before he started to climb the steps. 

The half assed grunts of acknowledgement that Joel got in response were not encouraging, but he was too flustered to care. He took the stairs two at a time, needing to get as much distance between him and his family before he threw himself off the roof. By the time he got back to his room, he was so turned around that he could barely figure out how to get the shower going and almost ripped the faucet off the wall in his haste. Even still, the only thing that kept him sane in that moment, despite all of his panic induced spiraling, was you. 

Joel didn’t know you. He didn’t know your favourite ice cream, or if you had broken any bones as a kid, or even why you had decided to work in a library of all places, but he wanted to. God, he wanted to know you so badly that it was driving him crazy. The way your energy bounced off of his in the few moments he had with you so far, reviving the small pieces of him that had been chipped away from years of focusing on his work, on raising his daughters, on keeping the past at bay for his family’s sake, made him feel like he was finally coming back to himself. 

Every piece reborn made him want to try a little more, until Joel was foolishly ready to lose all of his senses and beg you to let him be your one and only. It was much too soon for anything like that, but being in your presence was like touching a livewire, like reading a book by a warm fire, like freefalling through the sky, like falling into bed at the end of a long day. It was as terrifying and exciting, as it was calming and gentle, and Joel wanted more. Scratch that, he needed more. 

So, as Joel hurried under the lukewarm spray, scrubbing any trace of his hectic morning off of his body, he tried hard to not to think about all of the things that could go wrong. You would come, you would have fun, and Joel would be as charming as someone like him possibly could. Then maybe, just maybe, you might forget about his previous blunders and give him a second chance. Who knows, he thought to himself, sighing as he tried to remember the last time he had been so obsessed, a man could hope. 

- You - 

The fan was a stupid idea, especially with how downright disgusting your house had become as the hours ticked by, but what else could you possibly do? Your air conditioner, the beautiful beast that had served you for almost eleven years, had finally petered out and died at some point the previous night. Already curled up in bed, you hadn’t noticed until early that morning, when you woke up cranky and covered in sweat, the Texas heat oozing through all of your big and beautiful windows. Despite all of the tutorials online, the damn thing refused to work, leaving you with no other choice than to cook inside all day. 

The morning had been tough, especially when a letter from someone you hoped to never hear from again came in the mail. Sighing as you felt how light it was, you abandoned it on the counter, not wanting to ruin the day before it had even begun. Nothing with him had ever been easy and you sighed, kicking yourself for believing that he would actually sign the divorce papers you had sent in the mail. Nevertheless, you decided to ignore how the unopened letter made you feel, choosing instead to focus on the day ahead. 

With thoughts of Joel and his utterly confusing yet exciting presence running through your mind, you refused to let him rain on your parade. Across the street there was a handsome man who had first rescued you from back breaking labor during your move, and then later one of the worst dates you had ever been on. A man who, much to your dismay as a newly single woman for the first time in ten years, intrigued you to no end. You spent the entire day basically vibrating from excitement, counting the seconds until you could start getting ready. 

A half hour before the barbecue was set to start, you jumped into the shower, hoping that a toe curling icy shower would help you race through your makeup routine without acquiring too much sweat. And yet, after five minutes of shaking from the cold, your limbs had slowly but surely thawed out. No matter how speedy your usual makeup routine was, there was no escaping the heat that caused it to melt off of your face. 

Spraying yet another heavy layer of setting spray, you sighed. You had done your best given the circumstances. Despite the sweat that clung to your hairline, along with the annoying last minute outfit change after your first dress had become drenched in sweat, you looked okay. Not as great as you had originally hoped, but not awful. That had to count for something you supposed. 

“Goddammit,” you sighed, already regretting your decision to accept Joel’s invitation. 

As you stood in front of the mirror, fixing the straps on the pink sundress that showcased an appropriate amount of cleavage and hugged your curves just right, you couldn’t help but feel a bit silly. It was a barbecue, a family friendly event that Joel had invited you to, just as any friendly neighbour would. And yet, there you were, dolled up and sweating. At least if he had invited you out of some sort of neighbourly obligation, he probably wouldn’t notice how disheveled you were. 

It was that thought that got you through the door and across the street. Joel Miller was trying to be a friend, and surely a friend wouldn’t care about another friend’s sweaty face on a day as hot as this one. Or at least, that’s what you told yourself as you knocked on the door, ignoring the way your heart pounded alongside the music you could hear coming from the backyard. It sounded packed inside, much busier than any typical barbecue, and you suddenly longed for the comfort of your own home again. When nobody came, you stood there in silence for a few more seconds, biting your lip as you debated retreating back to safety. However, all of your escape plans were foiled when a curly haired teen yanked the door open. 

“Hey - oh shit,” Sarah cussed, concern trickling into her tone. 

“What? What is it?,” you asked quickly, stomach twisting as her eyes examined every inch of your face. 

Heart pounding, you ripped open your purse, pulling out a compact so that you could have a look at the damage. It was only then that you saw the travesty that the heat had created. The once nearly acceptable look was literally melting off of your face from the heat, creating a mess that even the kindest of strangers would be hard pressed to ignore. You looked like a clown that had gotten jumped, and given the sounds of the lively party going on behind the teen, you suddenly felt like one too. 

“Shit, what the hell happened to you?,” Ellie exclaimed, popping up from behind her sister. 

“I-I um, my AC broke and I couldn’t -,” you sighed, suddenly wishing you had never come in the first place. 

“Oh my god, shut up Ellie! Do you think she needs to hear that right now?! Ugh, you’re as clueless as Tommy sometimes,” Sarah groaned, roughly shoving her sister’s head out of the doorframe,“Get out of here, would you? Go distract dad so I can sneak her upstairs. We’ve got some work to do.” 

“Oh, you really don’t have to…” 

Sarah’s gaze turned back towards you, playful yet pointed as she examined the state of you. Wordlessly she raked her eyes up and down your rumpled form, cocking her eyebrow as if to say really? Heat crept up your neck, a small laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation bubbling up from within as you watched Ellie soldier off in search of her father. It didn’t take long for her to find him apparently, as Sarah was soon rushing you up the stairs and into her room before anyone could see your disheveled state. 

Although most of the original makeup had to be wiped off, you had to admit that the girl had a talent for eyeliner, and even managed to corral your sweaty strands back into a cute braid that kept it from sticking to the sides of your face. When Sarah was done you looked different, like yourself but slightly elevated. The makeup was a lot simpler than what you would normally do but it looked good, cute even. 

“What do you think? I know it’s nothing fancy, but I think you look really pretty like this,” Sarah chirped, the hope evident in her voice. 

You smiled back at her in the mirror, chest tight with emotion as you did. Maybe your only friends at the moment were two teenage girls but damn, were they better company than the vultures you had been friends with before coming to Austin. The friends you used to have would have gladly let you stumble through the party downstairs with your face basically dripping down down to your neck, but not the Miller girls. They had helped and much to your dismay, the eldest had even done a better job at fixing up your face than you had. 

“It’s beautiful Sarah, I love it,” you said truthfully, giving her arm a squeeze as you turned around, “Thank you for this, I was getting ready to run home and bar the windows.” 

“Eeek! Okay good,” she squealed, shaking your shoulders in excitement, “Now you can go meet everyone. Ugh, but you should probably go see dad first. He’s been asking us every two seconds if you’ve shown up yet. It’s like dude, she’s coming just give her some time to walk across the street before you freak out.” 

“Y-Your dad asked about me?,” you asked lightly, trying and failing to keep it cool. 

Sarah raised her eyebrows at that, her knowing look making you want to bury your head in the pillows and scream. The last thing you needed was for the stupid crush you had on Joel Miller to become public knowledge, much less the knowledge of one of the most chattiest people you knew. 

“Oh big time. He’s been losing his mind about having you here since Friday morning,” she said with a sly grin, “Pretty much turned the house inside out this morning trying to get everything perfect. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dad so excited about having people over. He usually hates it but he got so nervous that he let Uncle Tommy be in charge of the guest list.” 

You didn’t answer, too busy trying to control the visceral reaction your nervous system was having to her comment. Joel Miller had been freaking out… over you? That couldn’t be right, not when you had spent the last month convincing yourself that he was a figment of your imagination, or the past 24 hours trying to convince yourself that he was nothing but an overly friendly neighbor. 

“I - um… I don’t…,” you trailed off, not sure what to say. 

Sarah waved you off, holding out her hand to you instead with a comically wide grin. 

“Come on, let’s get down there.” 

-

The barbecue had turned into a bit of a house party in the time it had taken Sarah to fix you up. The house was filled with neighbours mingling with construction crews, kids playing games in the pool out back, and rowdy family members that seemed to be very interested in meeting you. Tommy was the first one you met after he caught Sarah trying to sneak you past. He was kind, seemingly familiar with everyone, and comfortable enough to give you a hug so forceful that it nearly knocked you off balance. It was a stark contrast to the more reserved way Joel carried himself, but it was refreshing nonetheless. His girlfriend, Maria, was less boisterous than him but no less kind, and you soon found yourself at long last conversing with adults your own age who didn’t seem like absolute assholes. 

As the pair asked you about your career, education, even the home improvements you planned to do on the bungalow across the street, you felt uncharacteristically at ease. The two of them listened dutifully while you talked, while both of the Miller girls filtered in and out of the conversation as some of their friends showed up. And in turn, you listened to their stories, smiling through every tale that included the southern stud that had eluded you thus far. 

Through their stories, you learned that the eldest Miller had once been a swimmer, that he needed glasses terribly but refused to wear them, and that he used to be in a shitty garage band when he was younger. Their stories helped humanize the confusing man. Instead of remaining the handsome stranger who had come to the rescue, he was suddenly the guy who used to shave all of his body hair in highschool so he could get the best time score at swim meets, the guy who gets his daughters to read the fine print on pretty much everything, the guy who once grew his hair out and sang at smoky bars throughout Texas. He was just a regular guy, albeit a handsome and thoughtful one, but a regular guy nonetheless. That comforted you to no end. 

“Aw look, here comes trouble,” Tommy called out, interrupting his own juicy story about the time his brother had been kicked out of his own show for swinging on a guy in the crowd that had grabbed one of the waitresses. 

“If I’m trouble, then you’re a goddamn villain Tomcat,” Joel drawled, flicking the brim of his brother’s hat as he did. 

“Fuck you,” Tommy laughed, dodging another flick as he retreated back to Maria’s side. 

“I see you found your way,” Joel said to you, his eyes meeting yours for the first time since the disastrous date night just two nights prior. 

You really wished Joel would stop looking at you like that. His eyes peered past your exterior, sinking deep into your soul as you took him in all of his glory in. The form-fitting jeans he had chosen, the white t-shirt that fit over his meaty biceps just right, the way his hair was pushed back from his face, the smell of his spicy cologne, was all enough to make someone as neglected as you faint. 

You bit your bottom lip, trying not to swoon as you felt Joel’s eyes slide over your body, zeroing in on the way the pink fabric clung to the curves he had seen bare a little over a month ago. He looked just handsome as he had that day, the slight adjustments to his attire only adding to his usual sexy self. And with the heat of his stare scalding every inch of your body, covered or not, you knew that you’d happily give him another peek the second he asked. 

“Yeah I mean, hard to get lost when it’s right across the street,” you awkwardly joked, earning a few chuckles from the group. 

But Joel didn’t laugh, he just smiled at you, all of the lines in his face smoothing over as he did and you couldn’t help but stare. His mustache was trimmed to perfection, beautifully framing the pouty set of lips that stretched around the grin he gave you. A funny feeling trickled into your lower belly as you stared at his plush mouth, tightening the muscles between your thighs until you were throbbing there. Heart pounding in your chest, you snapped your eyes back up to meet his, knowing that if you stared at his lips any longer, you would be doing something utterly moronic like launching forward to kiss him. Dizzied and drunk off of his heady scent and hypnotic stare, you were frozen, wanting nothing more than to place your hands on the broad expanse of his chest despite the fact that his family was quietly watching the exchange from mere inches away. 

“Good, m’glad you came darling,” he said quietly, almost like he was admitting something he wasn’t supposed to. 

“Really?,” you squeaked. 

A guffaw came from behind you. 

“Christ, the girls are right. You two are really something else,” Tommy piped up, shattering the bubble of solace that the two of you had built. 

Joel’s face twisted in annoyance, the tips of his ears going bright red as he glowered at his brother. The youngest of the Miller men just laughed and rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around Joel’s shoulders so he could playfully shake him. 

“Ya know what? I think that grill is getting pretty lonely out there. Why don’t you two go check on the grub? Joel can flip ‘em and you can make sure he don’t burn nothing,” Tommy suggested, giving his brother a slap on the back for good measure before he released him. 

“Oh um, yeah sure,” you stammered, unsure of what else to say. 

The thought of being alone with Joel was daunting but with the way he stared at you even when you looked away, the heat of his gaze hot against the side of your face, you decided that you were game for any activity involving him. 

“S’fine, you don’t have to help me sweetheart. I can handle it just fine if you wanted to mingle a bit,” Joel said quickly, the urgency in his tone making you frown. 

Did Joel not want to hang out with you? Was the thought of spending time with you that awful? Your stomach roiled, dread leaking in through the cracks in your chest and poisoning the hopefulness that had taken root there. Given your many years living in the city, you couldn’t exactly say that you were a pro at barbecuing, but you were willing to try if it meant you could bask in his attention for a bit longer. You sighed, letting all of hopes of getting a moment alone with him drain out of you, shoulders sagging in disappointment. It made sense that Joel didn’t want you out there. Afterall, why would he want to awkwardly stand outside and make nice with the crazy woman across the street that was in constant need of assistance? 

“I don’t have to if you don’t uh - if you don’t want me to. Doesn’t matter to me, I could just stay in here if that’s better for you,” you rushed out, trying to ignore just how much it really did matter for some reason. 

“Course I want you to.” 

Your head snapped up, eyes meeting his again and finding nothing but truthfulness behind them. Something warm and thick bloomed deep inside your belly, blossoming up towards your chest until you were sure butterflies were about to start pouring from your mouth the next time you spoke. Joel stepped closer, holding out one of those big hands that you had been imagining between your thighs. Looking up, you saw the same hope you felt mirrored back in him and you didn’t hesitate to give him your hand, happily allowing him to whisk you away from his family. 

The warmth of Joel’s rough palm was soothing, along with the way he pulled you closer to him as he weaved throughout the crowd. It was as if he was shielding you from everyone else, keeping you safe from the construction guys who were drinking beers and talking sports, or the drunken neighbours in the kitchen that were doing jello shots that someone had brung. He even pulled you against him for a moment as a few of the neighbourhood kids scampered by, trapping you between his chest and the wall to keep you from getting soaked by the water guns that their parents were yelling at them to take back outside. His frame pressed against yours, his eyes vigilant as he timed his next move amidst the chaos. You tried not to react when he looked down at you for a moment, stealing all the breath from your lungs as his nose bumped against yours accidentally but just as you thought that your protector might finally devour you, he was on the move again. 

When Joel finally reached the patio door, you were three sheets to the wind, completely drunk off of him and praying that he would never let go of your hand again. But alas, with the heat of Austin in full swing and the pool filled with families, there was no reason for him to keep holding it any longer. With no other crowds to conquer, Joel dropped your hand, breaking the connection that was sending a thrill up your spine so he could check on the food. 

“Alright, so what’s the game plan?,” you asked shakily, trying to break the tension as you skipped up beside him. 

“Game plan?,” Joel repeated, sounding incredulous as he turned to look at you with a toothy grin,“What d'ya mean?”

“The game plan! Your brother designated me as number two on the grill and I’ll have you know that I take my duties extremely seriously,” you said with a mock salute. 

He snorted and shook his head at your antics, “S’that right? Well, how about you hand me that meat thermometer and we can see just how cooked these bad boys are.”

“Yes sir.” 

It was meant as a joke really, another cheeky remark for Joel to snort over. However, as you watched his spine go rim rod straight, his dark gaze piercing through you as he turned to take you in, you saw the error in your choice of phrase. Although his cheeks were dusted with a light shade of pink, a bit of embarrassment reddening the high points of his distinguished face, his eyes were downright ravenous. A memory trickled into your mind, one where those same eyes had nearly swallowed you whole as they took in every inch of your nude body, and although the pretty sundress you had chosen was secured to your frame, you suddenly felt just as naked under his gaze as you had that day. 

Was Joel thinking about your first meeting? God, you hoped so, and you tried to imagine what he would look like in a similar situation. Would Joel race to pick up his towel, apologizing as he tried to cover up his gloriously nude form? Or would he have the same problem as you did, would he be unable to move under your stare despite the aching cock below his navel? And the more you imagined the roles reversed, the more you realized that Joel should be commended for his restraint. If you had seen him in that state, his body still damp and his cock hard, your response would have been to climb him like a tree. 

Joel licked his lips, sighing quietly before he shook his head at the look you gave him. He felt it too, whatever was growing between you, flowering under the hot sun as your neighbours bobbed in the pool just meters away. The swimmers were the only thing keeping the two of you in check, both sets of hands twitching at their sides like they were resisting the urge to grab one another. Another few moments passed, moments where you stared at each other through thinly veiled lust, before Joel finally turned away. He ran his hands through his hair a few times, messing up the carefully gelled curls in a way that you found incredibly endearing before he sighed and nodded towards the thermometer within your reach. 

“Fuckin’ trouble,” you heard him mumble under his breath, which made you giggle a bit. 

“Hm maybe, but I think you like that about me Miller,” you shot back with a wink as you handed him the thermometer. 

Joel looked over at you again, making you freeze in place. His expression made you feel like his prey in the best way possible. Like any cheeky comment or seductive wink might cause him to break and throw you over his shoulder like some sort of caveman, stomping upstairs so that he could have his way with you despite the guests. Time slowed, the cacophony of noises coming from the party softened by the buzzing energy growing between you. He stepped into your space, his overwhelming presence growing ten times larger as his hulking frame towered over you again and you had to remind yourself to breathe. 

The two of you were practically nose to nose when Joel leaned down, getting so close that you could see the flecks of a lighter brown, almost hazel, mixed in with the rest of the melted chocolate. He was bold, brazen in his powers of seduction as he watched you quiver from the proximity. Those big puppy dog eyes searched yours, the corners of his mouth turning upwards ever so slightly when he found whatever it was he was looking for. Perhaps he could sense just how drenched the gusset of your panties were from simply being in his presence. You didn’t care if he did, especially since his own interest was as clear as day. 

“I do like it,” Joel admitted, his voice so soft that you almost thought you dreamt it. 

A shaky breath was released from you as you shifted a tad bit closer, the blazing heat of Joel’s chest so enticing that you boldly placed both of your hands on his chest. He didn’t react at first, other than the tiniest hitch of his breath that you would have missed if you weren’t literally touching him, but then he moved. Two big burly arms wrapped around you, one hand resting at the small of your back and pushing you closer while the other gripped your hip, his gaze remaining steady as ever regardless of the embrace. 

“Joel,” you whispered, not trusting your voice as a surge of want burned through the both of you like wildfire. 

Surely Joel felt the way you shook under him, the nerves mixing with pure excitement as your eyes begged him to do something, anything. He studied your face, a deep flush creeping down his neck as the two of you stayed locked in an embrace that was somehow more intimate than any kiss you had experienced in your entire life. And Joel seemed to sense this, his arms holding you a bit tighter until you calmed from the overwhelming surge of emotions that his welcome touch tore from you. When the shakes were gone, laid to rest by the same man that had started them, all that remained was yearning for him, for Joel. 

“I know sweetheart, I know,” Joel whispered, the hand on your hip moving up to brush a few errant strands of hair from your face, “I can feel it too.” 

The admission struck you hard, making your eyes widen despite your best attempts to play it off. Joel felt it too. What did he mean by that? Did he daydream about you while he was at work too? Did he wonder what your voice sounded like in the mornings? Did he lay in bed at night, rubbing himself raw to the thought of you fucking the shit out of him? That last part sounded like a stretch but based on the heat gathering between you, along with the way his eyes periodically flicked downwards to take in the sight of your heaving breasts, maybe it wasn’t as far off as you had once thought. 

“Joel! How much longer for the - Oh shit, well howdy there to you too neighbour! Looks like the two grill masters are getting along just fine out here by themselves,” Tommy hollered, his jab getting a round of raucous laughter from inside. 

The Miller house was equipped with many things that made it beautiful, one thing being a sliding glass door to the backyard that the two of you were standing in front of. With the rest of the party turned towards you with shit eating grins, along with the intimate embrace on full display for what felt like the entirety of Austin, you suddenly wanted nothing more than to sink through the cracks in the boards below and cease to exist. The heat that you had felt when Joel touched you shifted into something much more menacing, something cruel and embarrassing, something that made you feel like you were miles away and being put on display for the millionth time by the man you had once thought loved you. 

“Don’t,” Joel barked at his brother, his authoritative tone leaving no room for discussion as he slowly retracted himself. 

Tommy’s face fell, a curious look in his eyes as they flickered between the two of you. After a moment, the younger man held his arms up in mock defense, earning an annoyed huff from the man beside you. Although everyone inside had already moved on from the announcement, you shifted closer to Joel, using his large frame as a cover from the heavy weight of shame that had been programmed into you for years. 

“My bad y’all, it was a stupid joke,” Tommy said apologetically, scratching at the back of his head awkwardly, “Maria just sent me out to check on how long the food should be. She was gonna send the girls out to set up the salads and shit when you’re ready.” 

“Send ‘em out in five minutes or so,” Joel grunted, annoyance laced through every single syllable, “Shouldn’t be long.” 

With that, Tommy disappeared back inside, leaving the two of you alone again. You bit your lip as you watched him go, trying to see if anyone else was still leering at you from within the house but everyone seemed too busy chatting with each other to pay any attention to either of you. Sighing, you relaxed a bit. At least this neighbourhood moved on quicker than your last one.  

“M’sorry about that sweetheart. Tommy doesn’t mean any harm but he’s just…,” Joel sighed and shook his head, “He’s not the best at reading the room. Embarrassing ya probably wasn’t his goal, he just never knows where the damn line is.” 

“It’s… It’s okay, I just don’t really like being in the spotlight like that, ” you said softly, still feeling a bit antsy despite your best attempts at calming your racing heart, “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I know that Tommy didn’t mean anything by it, let’s just move on.” 

“Why do you do that?,” he asked suddenly. 

The question took you off guard, so much so that it broke through your nerves and diminished the shakes that were wracking your frame again. At first you thought that Joel was making a cruel joke, that he was poking fun at your inability to thrive in social settings, but when you looked in his eyes all you saw was an earnest curiosity. 

“I didn’t want to make anyone upset or for any of your friends to get the wrong idea about you by seeing us like that. Plus, I know that I can be too much sometimes, just tell me if I get too annoying or something,” you sighed. 

Too much, that had been your moniker for years. Whether it was the way you dressed, your apparently over the top contributions to conversations, or the love you had for your work when someone asked; the most common complaint had been that you were a presence that somehow overwhelmed and fell short at the same time. Slowly, you had learned to be quieter, to make yourself miniscule so that you didn’t distract from the real star of the show that you were meant to prop up, to be as perfect as you could when necessary before retreating back to your books and the lonely apartment you shared with a ghost. To be on display in any context where you didn’t look utterly flawless felt wrong. Worse than wrong, it felt like failure. 

“You’re not too much honey, you’re just enough f’me.”

Stunned by Joel’s words, you blinked up at him, unsure of what to say in response to that. All of the oxygen left your lungs, the excess air whooshing out of you all at once, and you tried to think of something to say. However, luckily for you, he wasn’t done. 

“Plus, how in the hell could I be embarrassed by someone like you? It’s me that you should be embarrassed about. Christ, I can’t even keep my damn hands to myself when I’m supposed to be watching the damn grill. S’all my fault really, I couldn’t help it,” Joel murmured apologetically. 

You shook your head, absolutely shocked by his words. Joel didn’t move to hold you again, likely fearful of the reaction he would get after his brother’s joke had embarrassed you so badly, but he did reach out. A shiver ran through you as one of his thick fingers pushed your hair behind your ear, lingering near your jaw for just a moment like he couldn’t help his need for even the slightest of touches before he dropped it back down to his side. 

“If anything,” Joel started, a playfulness to his tone as he turned back towards the food, “You’re the exact opposite of too much honey. I mean, it’s like I’m neighbours with a goddamn hermit or something. Only ever see ya coming back from work at the end of the day.” 

A small chuckle broke through your frayed nerves, releasing some of the tension that had been building between you since the second he dragged you outside.

“My apologies Mr. Miller, I wasn’t aware that I had loyal fans watching my every move,” you teased, grabbing one the plates beside him so that he could start taking the food off the grill. 

Joel laughed, “Well, all I’m saying is that I hope you don’t disappear on me again. Can’t be putting together an event like this every time I want to see that face of yours.” 

“Oh, so this was all just a ploy to see me then?,” you asked, giggling at the dark splotches of red that flooded his cheeks in response. 

“I-I uh, well not exactly. I do sometimes um, sometimes I have barbecues like this. I like to cook and the girls,” he cleared his throat, “The girls said that you like to er… eat food.” 

Joel winced and you cackled, throwing your head back as you laughed at his shaky excuse. The thought of him hosting such a big event in hopes that you might come by was adorable, as well as a tad bit frightening. Nobody had ever done something so big for you and for some reason, you felt like you should apologize for making him go to such lengths. But his previous words played over and over in your mind - you’re not too much honey, you’re just enough f’me - and you let it soothe you. 

Joel Miller was a grown man who made his own choices. Even if he threw you a million barbecues to get your attention, it didn’t mean that you were too demanding. You hadn’t even asked for the first one. He had thrown this party all on his own, simply because he wanted to get your attention. That wasn’t cause for fear, it was cause for celebration. Someone had done something for you, something that you had thoroughly enjoyed despite the momentary panic that came from his youngest brother’s taunting. Regardless of the little demons in your brain trying to ruin the moment, you decided to ignore them, to enjoy the warmth that came from having the attention be on you in a good way for once. 

“Well, you have my number now so you could always text me if you wanted to see me. Not that this isn’t great, but it must have been a lot of work just to hang out with little old me. I can’t be that scary, am I? I promise that I don’t bite… usually,” you joked. 

He chuckled, nudging you with his side as he continued to plate the food. It was a small gesture but it made you grin, the feeling of his body pressing into yours for even the most fleeting of moments so natural and calming that you longed for him to do it again. Physical touch was not something you had ever been averted to per se, but you had never yearned for someone’s touch like Joel’s. His touch lit a fire underneath your skin and you knew that the flames could only possibly be soothed by more. 

“Like I said darling, you’re trouble,” Joel mumbled. 

“Like I said, you like it,” you repeated, earning another nudge from him. 

Joel didn’t say anything, he just smiled and shook his head at you. Which was good, as you were sure that your poor heart couldn’t have taken any more of his sweet words or lingering glances without having some sort of embarrassing reaction in front of the family members that were filtering out of the house with condiments and salad bowls. 

As Ellie and Sarah slipped outside, you stepped away from their dad, trying to keep a reasonable distance in fear of overstepping. However, just as you moved away from him, Joel reclaimed the empty space, wordlessly gluing himself back to your side despite their presence. You looked over at the two girls, both of them busy with preparing the table full of food, before looking back at the man in question with a raised brow. 

Joel followed your gaze, his eyes alight as he watched them for a moment before he looked back at you. He shrugged and rolled his eyes, dispelling all of your worries without a single word. He didn’t care. A small smile graced your lips, heat creeping up the side of your neck as you felt him gravitate closer every time one of your movements put space between the two of you again. 

Joel really didn’t care how close he was, or that his family and the rest of the party were slowly making their way towards the food tables set up in the backyard. You couldn’t believe it. It was as if he was actually proud of it, silently claiming you in front of every single guest at his party regardless of what any of them thought, and it made you unreasonably excited. You weren’t even that dressed up and likely had sweat trickling down your back from the blazing heat, but Joel stayed in place, hovering at your side like he was meant to be there. 

Never once had your ex showing you off at his fundraisers or networking events made you feel how Joel did in that moment. The praise you were accustomed to had always felt cheap, like he was rating you based on how fuckable you looked in front of his fellow PhD pricks. And somehow, regardless of how creepily some of them stared at you in those skin tight cocktail dresses, you never seemed to quite make the cut for him. But Joel Miller marking his territory as he was, proudly staking his claim as he kept his eyes glued to you at all times? It made you feel nearly ten years younger, like you were the wide eyed nineteen year old who screamed into her pillow when she found out that a boy that she liked thought that she was pretty. 

So you leaned into it, into Joel’s warmth, allowing the handsome man to stay rooted at your side as everyone gathered around for dinner. He led you over to a chair next to his and you let him, uncaring of the way his arms brushed against yours during the meal, or that he laughed when you missed your mouth because you were too busy trying to sneakily glance over at him. It was hard to be embarrassed anyways when someone as handsome as him was leaning over, wiping the corner of your mouth with his thumb with a goofy grin glued to his face.  

Although you had come across the street sweating and unsure where you stood with him, Joel had made his own intentions loud and clear from the moment you arrived. And despite the fact that just a week ago you had made the decision to steer clear of anything that wasn’t casual, it was becoming harder to remember why you would ever want such a thing. How could you possibly be bothered by something that felt so comfortable, something that eased all of the stress from your mind and made you forget what was waiting for you back at home? 

So, you smiled and allowed Joel to lead you towards where the other adults were gathered in the backyard after supper, whispering a small thank you that made him beam when he brought you a new drink without ever being asked. Tommy was leading the group in one of his many stories but neither of you paid him any mind, too busy sneaking glances at each other and fidgeting in lieu of reaching out in the summer heat. 

- Joel - 

For nearly the entire night Joel had stood watch at your side, sucking up every bit of attention you would grant him as the party raged on into the early evening. Even as his house began to clear out when the families started to pack up their sun-drunk children, and oftentimes their even drunker significant others, he had been able to stay strapped to your hip. But when Tommy, fucking Tommy, had called him inside to find a broom he could use to clean up a broken bottle, Joel had been forced to leave you alone with Maria. 

The task itself hadn’t taken long, a little less than five minutes altogether, and yet Joel had come back outside to find you missing. He slipped in and out of the stragglers that were slowly headed towards the exit, praying that he might catch a glimpse of the one person he had thrown the damn event for, but came up entirely empty. A heavy sigh fell from his mouth, something inside of him aching at the realization that you were gone. Your sudden departure stung, his gut roiling as he tried to think of a reason that you would leave without saying goodbye to him, but he couldn’t think of any. 

In any other circumstance Joel would have let himself dwell on it a bit longer, perhaps even retreating to the sanctity of his room to wallow in his own sadness for the rest of the night but he couldn’t, not when he had two kids with his last name that were making their way over to him. His love life, as embarrassing and depressing as it was at times, was none of their concern so he shook it off and put on a brave face for them despite the sting of rejection that dulled his smile. 

“How was the party? Did she like it? Did you finally ask her out? What are you two going to do for the first date? You’re the one planning it right? Can we help?,” Ellie babbled excitedly, getting an elbow to the ribs from her sister in return. 

“Don’t overwhelm him, jeez,” Sarah admonished with an eye roll, before she smiled mischievously and turned back towards him, “But Ellie has a point, did you ask her out?” 

Joel shook his head at the both of them, wishing like hell they would drop their incessant quest to hook the two of you up. He wanted to be with you so badly that it hurt, but he was a fully grown man who could get his own dates and the last thing he needed when he finally did take you out was to have to give his daughters credit for the idea. He wanted the date and whatever it entailed to come from him, from his heart like you deserved. 

“First of all, the two of you need to stop being so damn nosy. I can handle myself just fine. And secondly, I will ask out whoever I want to, whenever I want to. I don’t need y’all giving me any notes on how to do it for Christ’s sake,” he said, wagging a finger at the both of them. 

“I told you that he’s too chickenshit to ask her,” Ellie sighed, as if she had already predicted his inevitable fumble.  

“Damn, I guess I owe you and Tommy twenty bucks then. I really thought he’d ask her tonight,” Sarah said, the shock evident in her voice. 

“There were bets on it?!,” Joel asked incredulously, “Jesus Christ, we don’t even know each other that well yet. I can’t just go around asking out women without getting to know them first, that ain’t proper.” 

“She’s not a stranger Dad, she’s the lady that you run to the door to stare at every time you hear her car come in,” Ellie chuckled.  

“Ellie has a point there, and you can’t get mad at us for placing bets on it when it was Uncle Tommy’s idea. We are innocent children, he’s an adult,” Sarah added with a shrug. 

As the smoke started practically pouring from Joel’s ears, he watched as both of his kids inched towards the door to the house. Ellie was already about halfway through by the time he had fully soaked it in, while Sarah was a bit slower to react than her sister. Joel wasn’t sure where Tommy was but given all the shit that the asshole had pulled that day, his days were fucking numbered. He was about ready to wring his brother’s neck the next time he came across him, so much so that he barely caught his eldest daughter’s rushed goodbyes. 

“Okay well, have fun hunting down Uncle Tommy. We’re going to go to the movies with Riley and Sam. See you later dad, please don’t kill any of our family members while we’re gone,” Sarah shouted as she retreated into the safety of the house. 

Utterly defeated by the day, Joel sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t be mad at any of them really, especially when he was such a lost cause these days. There had been attempts to establish a real relationship despite his hectic life, some successful for a time and some not, but none of them ever seemed to work out. 

There was Marlene, a woman who he could have seen himself pretending to be happy with if she hadn’t abandoned him and their only child a few weeks after she was born. Then there was Tess, a heart break of major proportions that he desperately tried not to think about if he could help it, but after her the rest seemed to just blur together. His roster was an endless list of first dates and third ones, that inevitably fun first time together followed soon by the hard talk they all eventually gave him when they fell out of lust. It was all so meaningless, so boring that he had put it to rest a few years back but then, you. 

What Joel felt for you, it wasn’t the same. He wasn’t sure how yet, or more importantly why, but he knew that you were different from the other women that he had tried to form a relationship with before. Perhaps it was the way your smile broke through all his defenses, shaking the dust off of a part of his heart that had been rotting for years, or perhaps it was just fate. Either way, all of his usual worries about trying again were nowhere to be seen, as if even his hyperactive nervous system understood that you were somehow the exception. And since you were the exception, Joel decided that he didn’t mind that you had left. He would throw one party after the next all summer long, going full on Jay Gatsby and letting the entire state trample through his home if it meant you might show up again someday. 

As the last few guests filtered out, including his brother who he made sure to slap upside the head for distracting him, Joel hatched a plan. Since you had clearly left in such a hurry, you likely hadn’t gotten the chance to take home any leftovers. With how much you had “helped” on the grill, it wouldn’t be right for him to hog the remaining feast. If Joel happened to stroll over with a few plates of food in his hands, well that was just being neighborly wasn’t it? 

Convincing himself that his ridiculous scheme would work, Joel hurried to the kitchen, his mind racing as he tried to remember what sides and desserts you had liked the most. It was only when he turned the corner, skidding to a full stop at the sound of someone humming along to the crackly radio in his kitchen, that he realized his plan was pointless. There you were, still clad in one the most gorgeous dresses he had seen you in so far, quietly tidying the space as if it were your own. 

“Hey,” Joel breathed, in awe of the scene in front of him that seemed too good to be true. 

You glanced back at him, “Hey stranger.”

“What are you doing sweetheart?,” he asked, slinking up behind you so he could lean against the other side of the sink. 

“Dishes needed to be done and I hate saying goodbye to people as they leave. It’s always so fucking awkward. Irish goodbye is more my style,” you said. 

“Yeah,” he chuckled softly, the warmth radiating off of him as he added, “Mine too.” 

Smiling in response, you nodded towards the towel hanging off the stove, silently ordering him to work alongside you once more. And who was Joel to say no to a beautiful woman commanding him to help her? He happily bounded over to your side with the towel in hand, grinning ear to ear as the two of you worked in silence. 

It was quiet but comfortable, the soft sounds of a Marvin Gaye song that he had long since forgotten the name of and the slight movement of water providing a warmth to the air that only brought the two of you closer. Joel couldn’t stop looking over at you, finding it hard to stay focused each time your eyes met his. He tried to remain calm, to remind himself that you had returned his advances just hours before, but he couldn’t seem to get his words in order. How hard was it to ask someone out? Apparently for Joel, it was nearly impossible. 

“I wanted to ask you -” you started, the sound of your soft voice after such a long period of silence nearly causing him to jump out of his own skin. 

“You wanted to ask?,” Joel asked once he recovered, hoping like hell that you were thinking the same thing as him.  

You looked over at him for a second, the confidence you had faltering when your eyes met his. 

“Nevermind, it’s nothing.” 

Joel’s entire being drooped towards the floor, the hope he had squashed under your dismissal. Shy was not the word he would use to describe the woman who had flirted with him outside and yet, you seemed more flustered than you had been when he held you in his arms earlier that day. He cocked his head, trying and failing to pinpoint your change of mood. 

“M’kay well, if you think of it again I’m all ears,” he joked, getting nothing but a forced smile in response. 

Joel bristled, his jaw clenched as you turned and continued to make your way through the dirty dishes. He eyed the remaining pile, suddenly regretting the decision to use red solo cups and paper plates. If he had used his own, he’d be able to keep you trapped a little longer, perhaps even get you to ask him that question you had wanted to ask. But instead, the clock was running out of time so Joel did the only thing he could think of, he filled the space with his own frivolous questions. 

“How’s that new house of yours going? Are ya sick of this town yet or what?,” Joel asked lightly, hoping he could break you out of the funk that you had been mysteriously drawn into. 

But it didn’t. In fact, the question only made you sigh, shaking your head in defeat before you begrudgingly looked back at him. 

“Look, whatever the girls told you, it’s totally fine. I shouldn’t have even said anything, the situation is under control. The repairman said that they would probably be able to get around to it by the end of next week when I called, so it’ll be fixed up in no time,” you said. 

“Huh? The girls didn’t tell me shit. They’ve been too busy hanging out with their friends,” Joel said slowly, squaring his shoulder as he added, “But you do know that I own a contracting business right? Whatever it is, I guarantee I can fix it better than any of the other idiots in this goddamn town. Bet I’d be a hell of a lot cheaper too.” 

Joel went through a rudimentary list of the potential problems in your home that he had noticed as you took in his words, trying to rank the issues on a scale of need so he could figure it out himself in case you decided not to tell him. The roof would probably need to be reshingled soon, but luckily the fact that you lived in a warmer state meant you probably had another year or so. It could be the faulty wiring in the downstairs kitchen, in which case he prayed that you would let him fix it before you electrocuted yourself trying to make toast. Or perhaps it was the window in your upstairs office, the one that he knew undoubtedly leaked when it rained, but all that would need was a fresh layer of caulk and it would be good to go. 

“Oh um, it’s really nothing Joel. Forget I said anything. I wouldn’t want to take advantage,” you rushed out, trying to avoid eye contact as you pulled the plug on the empty sink. 

Joel cocked his eyebrow, bringing his wet hands to his hips so that he could get into what his girls had coined numerous times as his signature dad stance. He gave you a challenging look, pulling out the big guns to get you to fess up to whatever fix your tiny home needed. 

“Ugh fine, it’s just my stupid fucking AC. It broke last night while I was asleep and I can’t figure out how to fix it without literally shocking myself,” you confessed, rolling your eyes at the way his mouth popped open to form a perfect O. 

“Jesus honey, you ain’t working on it while the damn thing is still plugged in are ya?,” he questioned, already knowing the answer based on your face alone. 

“Maybe…”

Joel groaned, all of the worst case scenarios running wild through his mind as he thought about you attempting to fix it again by yourself. And the fact that you didn’t call him immediately to begin with? Absolutely unacceptable. What good was having a contractor that worshipped the ground you walked on if you didn’t let him tinker with any of your things? He groaned at his own stupidity, knowing that if he had worked up the courage to talk to you at any point in the last month, you probably wouldn’t have felt the need to call another person to come fix your AC. 

“I’ll come by tomorrow. Just please, for my sake darling, don’t be touching it again until I get there alright? You could’ve really hurt yourself doing that,” Joel begged. 

“Joel, it’s fine. I really don’t need you t-”

“I ain’t asking for your permission. I’m telling you that I’ll be at your house tomorrow morning to fix that old ass AC of yours and that’s that. And if you don’t answer the door, it’s a Sunday so I’ve got all day sweetheart. I’ll just keep on knocking until you answer it,” he cut in, grinning at the way your pupils dilated in response. 

A small noise came from you, followed by a shaky nod that made Joel grin. You were so responsive to him, so easily affected by his words that it made him want to push the boundaries that seemed to only blur more the longer he spent time with you. He wanted to break them all down at once, to pour himself into you until you were fused together as one, but he refrained. To be with you in that way was a privilege, one that he hadn’t earned yet. So until that time, he would remain at your side, allowing his feelings for you to cross into dangerous territory as he learned more about the woman he’d happily get on his knees and grovel for.  

“I guess I’ll have to figure out some way to thank you Miller. It seems that every time I get stuck, I’ve got you coming to my rescue,” you joked halfheartedly. 

Joel chuckled, pretending to mull it over for a moment. He had an idea of how you could make it up to him but he didn’t want to push, especially with how much time you had already spent with him that day. Nevertheless, he was too greedy to stop himself, already dreading the thought of you walking back across the street. 

“How about you stick around a bit longer and have a bowl of ice cream with me? That’d make us square,” Joel proposed, trying to sound as casual as he could. 

You grinned, “Not sick of me yet?” 

He shook his head and grinned back, “Not yet, no.” 

Joel drifted over to the freezer, groaning when he realized that all of his many flavors had been cut in half by his kids’ inherited sweet tooth. All he had left was either chocolate or coffee, two flavors that you excitedly asked him to combine rather than choosing one. He went along with it, piling the bowls high with the impromptu mixture before he led you to the swing in the backyard. 

It was a little bit off to the side, in a corner that held a garden and was blocked from the sun by the tree that it sat under, but it was the perfect place to sit at that time of night. With the sun setting on the horizon, turning the water in the pool a shade of pink that reminded Joel of bubblegum, he had to admit that his backyard had never looked better, even with the mess that the party had left behind. 

“I know that I’ve probably already told you this today but you have a really nice place Joel. It feels so… -,” you trailed off, looking for the right word to describe it for a second before you suddenly smiled up at him and said, “ - homey. I’ve never felt so comfortable at someone else’s place before.” 

Every inch of Joel’s face must have lit up like a Christmas tree at that admission, he could feel it in the way all of the unused muscles around his mouth worked overtime to give you what must have been his millionth smile of the day. You felt at home in his space. That alone made this friendly barbecue better than any first date he had ever had, and he hadn’t even asked you out yet. 

“Fuck, that’s a mighty big compliment coming from you sweet girl. Thank ya,” he gushed, trying not to sound like the awestruck idiot he was. 

You nodded, taking another bite of your frozen treat as your eyes took in the scenery once more. Joel suddenly wished he had the artistic abilities that his youngest possessed so that he could capture the way you looked in the golden light of the fading day. A picture couldn’t possibly do your beauty any justice, it couldn’t capture how the light danced in your eyes and polished every inch of your skin. Only someone with pure talent would be able to do that. But alas, the best Joel could do when it came to portraits was wonky stick figures, not the beautiful masterpieces you deserved to be depicted as. And he was about to tell you as much, spilling all of his lovestruck secrets as he watched you take another bite of the frozen treat, but then you spoke. 

“I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been spending so much time with your daughters. I know it’s a bit weird, but they have insanely good taste in movies, if I do say so myself,” you joked.

“So I’ve heard,” he chuckled. 

Your smile faltered and Joel leaned in, trying to ground you without crowding you too much. 

“Ellie and Sarah have been very kind to me. I um… I didn’t really have a lot of kind people in my life before coming here,” you sighed. 

Joel tried to control his face, a strange mixture of emotions running through him in response to the statement. Pride came first, the dad in him unable to not feel some sort of way upon hearing that his children had been the compassionate people he raised them to be while outside of their father’s watchful eye, but then came grief and above all else, outrage. He wasn’t surprised that you had been around people undeserving of your presence, the constant apologizing and the way you sometimes shrunk in on yourself was enough to tell him that. What he was surprised at was how you still seemed to feel guilty about receiving the kindness of others, as if you didn’t think that you were worthy of it. 

“Darling, you can spend time with the girls whenever ya like. They love it over there and I think…,” he sighed and shook his head, “I think it’s good for them to have someone like you around. Lord knows that I ain’t the best listener at times, but you? You’re easy to talk to and you understand them in a way that I can’t. Hell, they’d probably trade me in for you if they could.” 

You smiled again and Joel sighed in relief. He liked you better like that, happy and carefree, not weighed down by the past. He longed to ask you about it, to know exactly why someone as amazing as you would fold in on yourself instead of standing tall, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t his place and given his own closet full of skeletons, he was in no position to push. 

“That means a lot Joel,” you sighed once you were done, looking down at your hands before you added, “I just worry that I’m in the way ya know? Sometimes it feels like people are just being nice and inviting me to places because they want to put me on display, or because they feel obligated to, and I just hate it so much.”

“What do ya mean?”

“I don’t know. When I was with my ex, it felt like he was trying to show everyone else up. It was like I was in some sort of beauty contest that I never signed up for. And with my friends, my invite always felt forced or like an afterthought. Either way, nobody ever wanted me to show up somewhere and just be me so now I just can’t fathom why…,” you trailed off. 

“I understand,” Joel said quietly.

And he did, truly. Although Joel was the oldest, that didn’t mean he was the most popular Miller brother, or even the smartest. He was quiet, sullen at times, and quick to anger before he had his girls. At most parties, he could be seen with a drink in hand, standing off to the side as he tried to dodge attempts to get him out onto the dance floor. And although Joel didn’t know what it was like to be dragged around like some sort of prize because of his looks, he did know what it was like to feel used. Such had been the case with the last few women he had tried to date, who had all snuck into his sheets and then ran for the hills the moment he brought up meeting his kids. 

Then there was the friend comment, which broke Joel’s heart almost more than the admission about your ex. His heart had been broken once by a woman who he thought he would raise his daughter with, Marlene, but he had gotten over that easily as he watched Sarah grow. He didn’t hold any animosity towards the woman anymore, wherever she was. How could he when she had given him one of the greatest gifts? But what he would never get over, what he still could not forgive, was what Tess had done to him. It had been nearly fifteen years and thinking about his best friend’s betrayal still made him feel as he had that day. Having a shitty ex was one thing, but shitty friends? That was a hard pill to swallow. 

“Yeah um, your girls told me a bit about you. I hope you don’t m-”

“Of course I don’t mind,” he cut in, stopping the needless apology before it was even fully out, “You can ask them or me anything ya like darling, I want you to know me.” 

You blinked, cocking your head at him for a second before you looked away. Deep in thought, your ice cream was all but abandoned, melting in your lap as you stared off into space. Joel sighed and scooched over, getting a bit closer so he could lift the bowl from your lap before it ruined the pretty pink dress you had on. He scooped the bowl up, reaching across you to put it on the small table attached to the side of the swing but when he leaned back, you were looking at him funny, like you either wanted to jump in his lap or attack him violently. Not sure which one it was, he chose the safest option and started to move out of your personal space but once again, your actions shocked him. 

Lifting your feet up off the ground, you quickly scooched closer to his side, placing your head directly on his shoulder in a way that made him feel warm all over. Joel paused, unsure what to do with himself for a moment before you let out a small disgruntled noise that kicked him into action. He wrapped one arm around your shoulders, allowing your body to relax under the weight of it as he pulled you close. With you glued to his side and the sunset slowly fading into dusk, Joel was astounded by his own luck. He waited for the harsh sting of reality to come but it never did. All he got instead was a sleepy, “This okay? I can move if you want,” from you. 

“Don’t you dare sweetheart, you’re perfect right there,” Joel murmured, moving his head so he could press his cheek against the top of your head. 

Joel wasn’t sure what you used for shampoo but he needed the brand name ASAP. That and your perfume, or was it a body lotion that made you smell so good? Whatever it was, he was on a mission to find it so he could buy some for himself. He wanted to spray it everywhere, to have your signature scent saturate every surface of his home, his truck, his office, but he knew it wouldn’t be the same. There had to be something about you that made it so delicious, and he knew that he would forever chase that key ingredient in hopes to one day bottle it for himself. 

“Joel?”

“Yeah?,” Joel murmured. 

“Thank you for inviting me. I had a really good time today and I hope…”

He waited for a moment, giving you a chance to speak up before he asked, “You hope?” 

Joel felt you shift beneath his arm and moved his head back, giving you just enough space to look up at him from where you were slumped against his side. Your face was close to his, so close that he could feel your tiny breaths puff out against his lips but he didn’t pay it any mind. It was your eyes that he was looking at, so expressive yet so guarded, a small part of you still holding on to the wall you had built around yourself despite everything. 

“Nothing, it’s just…,” you tried, clearly struggling to articulate whatever it was you were feeling, “You’re kind too and I hope… Well, I need to be around kind people right now and I hope that I can see you a bit more if that’s uh - if you’re not too busy with work or family.”

Without even thinking about it, Joel leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss against your forehead. It wasn’t even remotely sexual, nothing but a trick he had used multiple times to soothe the cuts and bruises of his kids over the years, but it was intimate. Nevertheless, you didn’t seem to care, a small smile pulling at the corners of your lips before you snuggled back into his side. 

“You ain’t getting rid of me that easy,” Joel whispered, placing his cheek back atop of your head as the two of you watched the last bit of sun dip below the horizon. 

“Good.” 

-You-

The party had ended around 8pm that night, but you didn’t leave Joel’s house until well past midnight. After the impromptu heart to heart, you had fallen into a dreamless sleep, unknowingly squishing him into the corner of the swing as you napped. You were mortified when he finally woke you up, vehemently apologizing for trapping him in his own backyard as you tried to fix your rumpled dress, but he waved you off. 

“Darling, I was fine. If I wanted to get up, I would’ve told ya, but I was comfy like that and  you’re cute when you sleep. Hell, I would’ve let ya nap on me forever but I just didn’t want us to get rained on,” Joel had chuckled, gesturing vaguely towards the sky. 

Before you could even react to the flattery, Joel had reached out and smoothed some of your hair back in place, pulling the few strands that had fallen from your braid back behind your ear. It made you squirm under his gaze and he held his hand to you as the raindrops began to fall. What started as a drizzle soon turned into an all out downpour and Joel hurried you towards the backdoor, the both of you laughing like kids as the heavens suddenly opened up and drenched the two of you. 

“Joel! The bowls!,” you shouted over the sound of water slapping against the pavement around the pool. 

“Fuck ‘em, I’ll get them tomorrow” he yelled back, forcing another round of boisterous laughter from the two of you as the rain beat down against your backs. 

Joel practically ripped the door open trying to get the two of you back to safety, earning another round of giggles from you as he practically launched you inside with the hold he had on your hand. Stumbling in, you barely managed to catch yourself on the island in his kitchen and wheeled around to face him. He hurried in behind you, cussing as he pulled the sliding door closed. 

“Holy fuck, I thought we’d have more time than that,” Joel whistled, watching as lightening struck the tree the two of you had just been lounging under. 

“More time? How long did you wait to wake me up?,” you chuckled. 

Joel turned to look at you, the sight of how soaked he was reigniting that spark between your legs. The shirt he had on was tight against his chest, showing off the strong physique you already had a feeling he possessed. The thick corded muscles in his arms were glistening, along with the tantalizing spot on his neck where rain water dripped from his curls. And the way he was looking, catching how you squeezed your thighs together at how breathtaking he looked, it told you that he felt the exact same way. 

“I uh…,” Joel started, swallowing once before he started again, “I wasn’t ready for ya to leave yet honey. I just really didn’t want today to be over, ya know?” 

You gave him a small smile and dipped your chin, suddenly feeling bashful. It didn’t help that your whole body was basically on display, the pink dress glued to every curve, every hip dip, every imperfection as stood in front of him. And yet, when you looked back up, Joel didn’t seem to see the same thing you did. At first, you thought he might be in pain, the heavy crease between his brows making it seem like he was suffering from a migraine of some sort. But as you watched as he raked his eyes up and down your figure, taking in everything, you knew that it was desire for you that had twisted his face like that. 

“Jesus, what the fuck happened to you two?”

You gasped, turning towards the teenager that had just strolled into the kitchen. Ellie’s eyes bounced between the two of you, cocking an eyebrow at the obvious tension before she shook her head and headed towards the fridge. 

“What the hell are ya doing here? I thought y’all were headed to the movies,” Joel asked, seemingly just as flustered as you were. 

“In case you forgot old man, movies are like really long TV shows that you go to see and they are usually about 2 to 3 hours long. We left at seven forty five man,” she sassed as she dug through the freezer and pulled out a tub of cookie dough. 

Looking over at the clock, you balked. It was a little bit after a little bit after twelve, well past your usual bedtime as a certified homebody. How long had you been outside for? You didn’t even remember what time it had been when you snuck inside to do the dishes, much less when they had been finished. 

“I’m so sorry Joel, I should probably go. I didn’t realize it was that late, you probably want to get to bed soon,” you apologized, trying to pinpoint where your shoes and purse had gone in the hours since you arrived. . 

“You think I’m letting ya go out there in this?,” Joel asked incredulously. 

The wind howled outside at that moment, as if mother nature herself was trying to highlight his point. Even with how dark it was, you could see the way the trees shuddered, the branches thrashing under the gusts blowing rainwater every which way. But still, the last thing you wanted was to overstay your welcome. Which, given the fact that Joel’s youngest daughter was moseying back upstairs in her pajama pants with a tub of half eaten cookie dough in her hands, you were pretty sure that you already had. 

“Joel, I’m not made out of sugar. Plus, I wouldn’t want to put you out seeing as you’ve already been stuck with me all day and I -”

“Enough of that, c’mon sweetheart,” Joel sighed as he held his hand out to you again. 

“Wait, what?,” you questioned, pulse quickening as Joel grabbed your hand again. 

“Let’s get you warmed up,” he said, dragging you out of the kitchen without another word. 

What you expected was for Joel to bring you towards the couch in the living room, perhaps even cover you in one of the many throw blankets that had been left on various surfaces in the room, but instead he led you towards the staircase. You squeaked as he yanked you up the steps and through the hallway, bypassing the room you knew to be Sarah’s and what you guessed was Ellie’s based on the daunting keep out sign that was tacked to the door. It was only after you passed the upstairs bathroom that you realized where he was bringing you. 

“You’re taking me to your room?,” you burst out, unable to keep it in. 

Joel turned back, a sly grin on his face at the look of your flustered face. He laughed, shaking his head as he stopped at the very last door in the hall.

“Well, it’s where I keep my clothes sweetheart,” he chuckled, turning back to open the door as he added, “Unless of course you want to try squeezing into one of the girl’s clothes. I’m sure they’d be real comfy for ya darling.” 

The thought of trying to squeeze your frame into a fourteen year old’s clothes was downright embarrassing. You were a fully grown, thirty year old woman, with all of the curves and extra padding that came with that. And with how skinny the two teenage girls were, you shuddered to think of even attempting such an impossible task. 

“Okay fair enough. There’s no way these hips would fit in either of their jeans,” you chuckled, before you stuck a finger in his face,“But no funny business Mr. Miller. This is a clothing swap, nothing more.” 

He laughed and nodded along, “Of course honey, wouldn’t dream of anything else.”

With that, Joel left you hovering near his bed, disappearing into the walk in closet to fetch you some decent clothes. Although you longed to sit on the foot of his bed, to feel the creamy texture of what looked to be the softest sheets you had ever seen against your skin, you refrained in fear of getting them soaked. Instead, you floated around, taking in small pieces of the man while he was busy digging through his clothes.  

There was a guitar in the corner of the room, along with a record player with a milk crate of records that unsurprisingly held the greatest hits of a few country legends. An ensuite bathroom was attached to his room, where he had left out the tub of hair gel he had used that morning and the cologne you loved so much. A painting of a deer hung above his bed, while a picture of two chunky toddlers that had to be Ellie and Sarah was placed on his nightstand. A TV hung on the opposite end of the wall over his dresser, which of course held more pictures of his girls and even one of him as a kid.  

You picked up the old picture, smiling when you recognized the Miller brothers. They were boys whenever it was taken, no more than six and ten, but you could see exactly who was who based on their expressions alone. While Tommy was captured mid-laugh, missing several of his baby teeth as he grinned maniacally at the camera while clutching his mother’s leg, Joel was more reserved. His smile was small, surprisingly awkward even, though you could tell it had been a happy day based on the large fish he held in his hands and the proud looks that both of his parents were giving him. It made you slightly jealous but you pushed the feeling away, reminding yourself that it wasn’t right to long for something so trivial as an adult. 

“Whatcha got there?,” Joel piped up from behind you, his deep voice causing you to jump and fumble with the frame. 

“Shit, sorry. You scared me,” you laughed nervously, placing the picture down before you shattered it. 

He shook his head and stepped forward, placing a set of soft looking clothes on the bed so he could examine your choice. 

“Ah, that’s a good one. That was the first fish I ever caught and it was a twenty one pound channel catfish. Pops was so proud that he damn near cried. Tommy was excited too but I don’t think he really understood what was going on, he was only in first grade. He just liked that everyone was cheering,” Joel laughed. 

“I don’t know anything about fishing but I’m gonna assume that twenty one pounds is really impressive?,” you tried. 

He snorted, “Ah yes, my apologies sweetheart, I forgot you were a city girl. Yeah, it’s a pretty good catch for that kind of catfish. Anything higher than twenty pounds is considered a score.” 

“I was only a city girl after high school Joel, I didn’t grow up in Miami,” you sassed, rolling your eyes at him, “For your information, I grew up in a small town before that. Everyone knew each other and had their noses in everyone else’s business, same as here probably.”

“S’that right? Well pardon me darling, I must’ve misjudged ya. Didn’t realize I had a certified backwoods beauty gracing me with her presence,” he joked. 

“Yeah well, I haven’t been back there since I left for university so the city has probably rubbed off on me a bit,” you sighed, trying to remember what it felt like to be back in that town. 

It had been twelve years since you left home, filled with dreams and ready to leave behind the place that had held you back for far too long. With nothing but twenty bucks to your name and a flashy scholarship with your name on it, you had taken the first bus out of town. You remember that day, when your eighteen year old self had left for the airport practically vibrating with excitement. Nobody had even known you were going and you didn’t care to tell them, knowing even at that age that your big dreams would have been laughed out of the house. You sighed when you thought of that day and all of the aspirations you had once held, knowing that with how your life had turned out after meeting your ex during that first year of university, they would have been right. 

“No family then?,” he asked carefully, as if he already knew it was a touchy subject based on the way all of the muscles in your body tensed up. 

Schooling your face, you turned to him and said as casually as possible, “Nope, just me.” 

It wasn't really a lie, you hadn’t seen any of them in years. No family members had been invited to your graduation, your wedding, or your thesis defense during master’s, despite the fact that they were all probably still alive and well. Your parents were likely still in the same run down town, smoking on the porch as they watched the cars go by and bickered over who had drunk the last can of coke. And the one brother you had was likely either in jail or somewhere commiting the felonies that would inevitably bring him straight back. They had never liked you and the feeling was mutual even as a child, so to call them family would be a great exaggeration. And as far as your former in-laws went, you knew they were likely relieved that you had vanished out of thin air. They were probably thrilled that their precious boy had finally gotten rid of the trailer trash he had chosen, most likely already planning which debutante they wanted him to marry with you out of the way. 

“Well,” Joel started as he awkwardly cupped the back of his neck, “I suppose it’s a good thing you chose this place then.” 

“Why’s that?,” you questioned as you drifted over to the pile of clothes he had left out. 

He shrugged, “I ain’t gonna let ya get lonely over there.” 

A small grin spread across your face, growing by the second as you took in the truth of Joel’s promise. Whether you realized it or not at the time, the Millers had been at your side since your very first day in town. It had been mostly the girls of course, one or both of them constantly knocking at your door after they got out of school, but Joel had been there for your two most vulnerable moments. All in all, given the fact that you were now a runaway of two separate towns and families, they were probably the only people you had. 

“Thank you Joel,” you said softly. 

“Don’t thank me honey, I don’t need it. Just go get dressed before you catch a damn cold,” he grunted, gesturing towards the bathroom so that you could change in privacy. 

The clothes that Joel had given you felt just as soft as they looked, although they did sort of swallow you whole once you put them on. The grey sweatpants were so long that you had to fold them at the waist, while the sweater went halfway down your thighs. Joel was just so big and broad, so undeniably beefy that you could barely fill out his loungewear even with your curves providing some extra padding. Not that you minded really, as wearing his clothes allowed his scent to drift into your nostrils each time you moved. After hanging your drenched clothes in the shower, you shook your hair out of the braid Sarah had put in, allowing it to flow freely as you moved back into his room. 

Joel was just coming out of the closet when you came back in, a fresh pair of sweatpants and a navy blue t-shirt hugging his frame as he swaggered towards you. Given the hefty bulge that he was sporting, you knew that he didn’t have any boxers underneath and you tried hard to ignore it.  It was the middle of the night and he was in the sanctity of his own home, he could do whatever the hell he wanted. However, the closer he got, the more obvious the outline of his cock became and you quickly focused all of your attention on making direct eye contact with him instead of staring at the beast that hung from his lower half.

“How do they fit? M’sorry baby, I know that my clothes are a bit big but I couldn’t find anything smaller than that,” Joel apologized. 

The word baby bounced around in your mind, hitting all of the pleasure points as you tried to remain calm. Had Joel called you that before? You weren’t sure, but it stuck out compared to the other terms of endearment he had used so far. Sweetheart, honey, darling, those were all terms that you had convinced yourself were just a part of his Southern charm, regardless of the fact that you had never heard him refer to anyone else in that way. But baby? That felt different, almost special, and you wanted more than anything to hear him call you that again. 

“Y-Yeah, they fit alright. I’m very cozy,” you said meekly, going weak in the knees from the dazzling smile he sent your way. 

“Good now, let’s see if we can scrounge up some leftovers. I don’t know about you but I’m fucking starving,” he said.  

Again, Joel didn’t ask for your hand as he had before, he just took it and dragged you down the hallway behind him. He brought you to the living room first, gesturing for you to sit down on the couch before he threw a thick blanket and the remote control at you with the command to put something interesting on. 

“I can help you in there though!,” you protested as you tried to get up and follow him, not wanting to leave him with all of the work as you lazed about on his couch. 

“You are helping me, now pick something for us to watch while I go get us a snack,” Joel called over his shoulder, his tone leaving no room for discussion. 

The rest of the night followed a similar trajectory. Joel came back with plates filled with way too much food and sat at your side, uncaring that you had decided on a trashy reality TV show that you secretly loved. He even asked a few questions about one of the love triangles, laughing along as the contestants started screaming at each other over god knows what during one of the reunion episodes. Sitting on Joel’s couch, stuffing your face as you indulged in one of your guilty pleasure shows felt good, natural even. However, after you had passed off the rest of your meal for him to devour, you made the mistake of looking over to the clock and realized that it was way past time that you said your goodbyes. It was one thirty in the morning and with no more rain falling outside, along with the sleepy yawn that Joel gave once he was finished eating, you knew that it was time to leave. 

Ever the gentleman, Joel demanded that he walk you home, ignoring your assurances that you would be fine. He had even offered his own bed first, claiming that he would sleep better on the couch anyways if he knew that you wouldn’t slip on the slick pavement outside, but you shut his ridiculous worries down. At an impasse, the two of you had agreed that you would not stay the night but that he would walk you home, even if it was slightly ridiculous to think that you would run into danger in the thirty seconds it took for you to get to your front porch. It had been a quiet walk, one where neither of you said anything, almost as if you were both too scared to ruin it. 

“Are you sure that you’re alright over here honey? It’s gonna be mighty hot tomorrow morning with that AC of your broken and like I said, I really don’t mind sleeping on the couch tonight if it means you’ll get a good sleep. It’d make me feel a whole lot better,” Joel tried one more time as he stood with you on the porch. 

“I’ll be fine Joel, it’s just one night and plus,” you added, a bit of mischief in your eye as you reached up and fixed his collar, “I’ve actually got a handsome handyman coming by tomorrow, so it should be fixed in no time.” 

A deep crimson crept up the side of his neck, flooding his face with colour as he tried hard not to let your words affect him too much. 

“Sounds like a lucky guy,” he murmured, his breath hitching as you took a bold step into his space. 

“Hm, we’ll see,” you teased. 

Leaning forward, you placed a tiny peck on his cheek, lingering there for a moment to take in a heavy whiff of his scent. The kiss was light, barely a brush of the lips against his scratchy beard, but it seemed to hit him just as hard as any passionate makeout session would. 

“Night Joel,” you whispered, giving him a small smile as you slowly moved away. 

“Night sweetheart, I’ll see ya tomorrow,” he breathed, hands bunched up at his sides like he wanted to reach out but knew that he shouldn’t. 

You smiled, “Hope so, handsome.” 

With that, you left Joel on the porch, his cheeks still flushed as you pulled the door closed. Pressing your back against the wood, you couldn’t help the girlish squeal you let out as the day flashed before your eyes. Had all of that really just happened? 

Joel Miller was good, so good that you couldn’t believe the day that you had just had. He had thrown a party for you, nobody had ever done that, and he had spent nearly the entire day at your side simply because he wanted to. And afterwards, he had cuddled with you on the swing, letting you rest against him until the rain dragged you both back inside. Not to mention the fact that he had clothed and fed you, unwilling to let you walk back home in a storm despite your vehement reassurances that you were fine. It was as if someone had made the perfect man in a lab for you and you suddenly couldn’t remember why you had ever wanted to keep him at a distance in the first place. 

That is, until your phone started to ring. You drifted over to the kitchen, still running on a high as you unplugged your phone and accepted the blocked number. Although it was strange to get any calls in the middle of the night, as you were usually asleep well before midnight, you figured it would be best to answer. Afterall, maybe it was work. With how much it had rained that night, you couldn’t help but worry that the one hundred year old basement of the library had finally flooded, meaning that you would have to go deal with it before the water destroyed the precious microfilms down there.  

“Hello?,” you answered, still chipper as ever despite the late hour. 

“Oh, so no answer during the day but you fucking pick up in the middle of the night? I’ve been calling you since three o’clock this afternoon, where the hell have you been? Were you out with someone else? Better fucking not have been, you’re still my goddamn wife.”

Fear, pure unadulterated fear rushed through you and turned the blood in your veins into ice. It was him. After more than a month of radio silence, a silence so potent that you had assumed that he had finally let you go, there he was, spitting venom through the phone. 

“H-How um - how did you get this number?”

A snort came from the other line, followed by what sounded to be a heavy glass being slammed down on what had to be his mahogany desk. You had heard that sound too many times to not recognize it, even miles and miles away. Each time he had brought you into that dreaded room, the same one you had once been impressed by as a doe eyed nineteen year old that saw it for the first time as his research assistant, it was always to give you some sort of talking to. The talks were always about your behaviour, your outfit, or something stupid you had said. An invite to that room always came with a reprimand from him, drinking vodka on the rocks as he critiqued every inch of your being, before he inevitably expected you to spread your legs for him whenever he felt like it. It made you nauseous to think about it now, about how cruel you had let him be, stupidly believing that even when he toyed with your mind that it was out of love, but that was then. 

The nineteen year old he had hired, the same one that he had shaped into his perfect girlfriend at twenty, then his perfect little wife by twenty two, then his trophy piece for events after he got tired of pretending to care, all still lived inside of you. Real life isn’t like the movies, where the woman leaves her ex and suddenly becomes a different person altogether. That girl who just wanted someone to pay attention to her, who desperately needed love, was still there, along with the wife who had held onto something gnarled and twisted in hopes that it would one day make sense again. However, none of those women were under his spell anymore, his ongoing affair had made sure of that. And as broken as every single version of you still was, they were equally just as pissed off. 

You cleared your throat, trying to sound more confident as you asked, “Why did you call me?”

“That’s all you have to say to me right now? After weeks of me trying to track your ass down? I am your husband you stupid bitch, watch how you fucking talk to me,” he spat. 

You straightened up, rage coiling in your gut and tensing all of the muscles in your back like you were readying for an attack. Husband? He thought that he was still your husband? After all that he had done? You tried not to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. 

The memory of his face when you caught him with that poor young woman flashed through your mind. He hadn’t looked guilty that he was caught, just disappointed that his little game had ended before he had the chance to truly sink his talons into his next victim, which soon morphed into disgust when you had the audacity to cry in front of him over his betrayal. And later, when you had asked him outright for a divorce? He had been smug, reminding you that you’d never find another man like him, that you were nothing without him, that it was childish to ruin an eight year marriage over something that every husband did from time to time. It was enough to make you want to reach through the phone and strangle him. 

“You stopped being my husband the second you started fucking your research assistants behind my back Peter, now what the hell do you want from me?,” you hissed, feeling as though you could breathe fire as you spoke his name aloud for the first time in over a month. 

“Oh really? Well, we will fucking see about that you goddamn whore. I bet I wasn’t the only one who stepped out, you just like holding shit over my head,” Peter shot back, but you were too angry to let his insults or ridiculous accusations phase you. 

“Listen to me you asshole,” you started, ten years worth of rage seeping into your tone as you spoke through gritted teeth, “You are nothing to me anymore, do you hear me? Nothing.”

“Don’t be a fucking dramatic,” he sighed, almost sounding bored. 

“No, you don’t get to say shit like that to me anymore,” you seethed, letting all of the resentment peek out for the first time in ten years, “I don’t give a shit what you have to say, or what your friends think, or especially what your stupid parents want, I am fucking DONE!”

“But -”

“Sign the divorce papers Peter. Or don’t, I really don’t give a fuck anymore. Just know, I’ll be filing for a petition to divorce your ass next week if I don’t get them in my mailbox by Wednesday. You can take the apartment, the money, the cars, everything, I’m out.” 

“You wouldn’t fucking dare.”

“Try me bitch,” you snapped, ending the call before he had the chance to respond. 

You whipped the cell phone across the room, too angry to care if it broke as you watched it bounce against the back of the couch and hit the hardwood. 

“Asshole,” you hissed to no one in particular, the sound of your voice echoing off of the empty walls. 

Peter had taken everything from you, everything. He had taken your twenties, draining you of life, of who you were as a person, before forcing you into being the woman he wanted. And you, so desperate to have someone love you, had let him. You had grit your teeth through the entirety of the marriage, hoping that one day the two of you might return to how it had been during those early days. But being a thirty year old woman with a lifetime of experience gave you some perspective on the matter. Those early days, with all of the gifts and the compliments, had been an elaborate ruse. He had drowned you in affection, knowing that if he got you to love him, you would be easier to bend. 

Peter had taken pieces of you, slowly and carefully, so that you didn’t notice until it was too late. He was a political science professor, so you couldn’t major in that, it had to be literature and history. He wanted to stay in Miami so that he could get tenure, meaning that moving out of state after undergraduate for a masters in New York like you had hoped was out of the question. He didn’t like short hair, so yours had to be long. Heels soon replaced all of your more comfortable shoes, as he thought you looked frumpy in flat ones. At formal events, you had to always wear a dress, which meant that every pair of dress pants you owned had to be thrown away. He didn’t want you to be smarter than him so a PhD degree became a pipedream, even though a seat at Notre Dame had once been offered to you. Pieces upon pieces were taken, until you had no idea who you were anymore without him. 

As you marched up the stairs in your home, reeling from the call as you walked into the bathroom and started quietly taking your makeup off, you couldn’t stop looking at the person who stared back at you in the mirror. She had more lines on her face since the last time you had seen her, as well as a bit more junk in the trunk, but she was there. For the first time in years, the girl who had her own wants, her own dreams, her own fucking life, was there. She looked exhausted, albeit a bit rough around the edges from her time locked away, but her re-emergence was something remarkable. 

Peter had cheated on you. Hell, he had probably been doing it for years, but you didn’t care anymore. That had been the least of the injustices he had perpetrated against you anyways. It was the manipulation that had been the worst thing, the tactics he had used to force you into a life that was meant to nurture only him being so devious that you had happily skipped towards your cell and helped him throw away the key. But his last offense had shown you the light. It had ended up being the exact thing you needed to tear you from your prison cell and shove you back into the real world again, a world that didn’t revolve around him. It didn’t matter if Peter didn’t sign the divorce papers, or if he took every single thing you owned in court, you would be fine because at the very least it would mean that you would never have to see him again. 

So, as you finished up your nightly routine, letting all thoughts of your previous life go down the drain with your face wash and toothpaste, you put Peter to rest. There would be a time to think about him, perhaps even dissect the damage he had done to you in greater detail when you met with the attorney, but it was not the time for such thoughts. Absolutely drained from the day, you crawled into bed, pulling the hem of Joel’s sweater up to your nose so that you could take a hit of his delicious scent. Your ex, wherever he was and whoever he was with, could go fuck himself. You had a home, a job you loved, and a handsome man that had a crush on you, a man that you knew would never say any of the shit that your ex had to you even if he was upset. Peter didn’t own you anymore and he never really had, you were free.